Randomness

A "why me" moment!

2011-12-25T10:19:00.001-06:00

I guess it's probably pretty natural this time of year to for a Pastor to ask the question... am I in the right line of work?

Don't get me wrong, I love a good Christmas service just as much as anyone. In fact it's kind of hard for me not to have a "traditional" Christmas. And I suppose, if it were just me, I would get over it and just do it.... but it's not.

So today I sit there. After 4 church services last night (3:45, 5:30, 7:30, and we can't forget 11pm). And ponder, for my children, if this is what I'm suppose to be doing? Will they ever have the "traditional" Christmas Eve? Or do we just have to work really hard at making up our own "traditions"?

And maybe this is a natural wonder... maybe even a healthy wonder. To always be considering where God is calling me....

And then I can't help but look around. I can't help but understand that in the midst of a "why me" moment I see Christ.

This week alone their have been a lot of God moments and my family has been a part of it. And I can't forget those moments either.

I was able to take my kids along with me as we handed out two separate envelopes with $250 cash to people who wouldn't have had a Christmas this year. As the hugs and the tears came, I hope my children have started to learn the lesson that giving is so much more fun then receiving!

I see Christ in the people that I serve. In their hugs and warm handshakes. In their generous gifts and compliments. In their care for not only my health, but the health of my family. I see Christ and remember I how blessed I am.

I know everyone has those "why me" moments, and I kind of continue to as I write this blog on Christmas Day in the office of the church. Waiting for 5-10 people to show up for the 2nd service this morning. But am also reminded to look around. To maybe so worrying about myself so much, and see God at work in the world. And all the blessing that I have been given!

Blessed - but what does it REALLY mean?

2011-12-14T15:48:00.000-06:00

I have been attending a text study with local Pastor from many different denominations on Thursday mornings. I have found it to an important part of my week and fills me as a person. It's been so much fun to be challenged again and to be with a group of people who care for each other. It is also fun to really dig deep into the coming weeks texts. They have been a blessing for me as I continue to transition into life here in Pierre.

Last week the idea of blessed came up. In the book of Isaiah, blessed doesn't mean all of the things that God has given us or "blessed" us with, but being "blessed" by God means to be called. Kind of puts a different twist and makes you really think if you want to be "blessed" by God or not.

I struggle sometimes with being called to be a Pastor. There are some days were I truly feel blessed and am able to be a part of people's lives in a way that takes my breath away. Other days I plan out what I could do for a different job..... Some days being called feels more like a blessing than others!

But we are all called... in many different ways. And the things that are the most challenging seem to bring about the biggest joys and satisfaction.

I have been called to be a mother... and some days being called to be a mother feels more like a blessing than other days. Last night Eli and Emma were playing so well together and laughing and laughing. Their giggles were contagious. It was so much fun watching them make memories together! Eli has been so funny lately and he has no idea how funny he is. One night I told him to pull up his pants because I could see his butt crack. He got mad at me because he insisted that his butt was not cracked!!! Or.. 2 nights ago he told me that his dad was going to read for the night and he was going to play on the iPad. I asked him what Emma and I were going to do and he informed me that we would be cleaning the floors. Eric about fell off his chair laughing. Eli was then informed that not just girls do housework. (I apologize in advance to his future wife for not teaching him better!)

Through it all I am truly blessed... in all my callings. They might not always be pretty. I might not always like them. I might have days when I mess them up or fail, but I have learned.. or maybe am continuing to learn.. that God calls us all to many places to do His work and that God equips us for the journey.

Photo Card

2011-12-06T16:29:00.001-06:00

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2011-10-26T08:00:00.001-06:00

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Thoughts from a rambling Pastor

2011-03-30T09:03:00.000-06:00

This morning at 8:30am --- prime getting the kids dressed, fed, and out the door to daycare time --- a call came into my cell phone that I didn't recognize. It was a really weird area code too. I decided I should probably answer it.

"This is Sarah," I say.
"Yes Sarah, can I talk with your husband who is a Pastor," says the voice on the other end.

Taken back I say, "This is the Pastor."

He sounded like he had never heard of a female Pastor. Like I was some new kind of phenomenon. He was trying to sell this bible on audio thing but was more interested in the fact that I was a female Pastor.

Most days I forget that a female Pastor isn't that common.... or I should say, many people haven't caught up to the actuality of female Pastors. At seminary, and the conference I am currently in, we are half male and half female. It's funny how it takes the church, and people in the church, many years to catch up to actual life and the reality around them.

Why is it that the church feels so behind the rest of the world? Why do we spend so much time fighting and worrying about the carpet, front doors, the kitchen, all the details, and don't get that passionate about the actual mission of the Word!?!?!

I think that's why young people aren't coming to church... or at least part of the reason. If that is all the church is about, who wants to be a part of that?

Are we relevant to todays families? Do we make going to church important to everyday life. Do I feed people on a Sunday morning? How can I do that better? How can WE do that better?

Change

2011-03-21T21:14:00.001-06:00

Ecclesiastes 3 (The Message Bible)

There's a Right Time for Everything

¹ There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

^2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
   A right time to plant and another to reap,
   A right time to kill and another to heal,
   A right time to destroy and another to construct,
   A right time to cry and another to laugh,
   A right time to lament and another to cheer,
   A right time to make love and another to abstain,
   A right time to embrace and another to part,
   A right time to search and another to count your losses,
   A right time to hold on and another to let go,
   A right time to rip out and another to mend,
   A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
   A right time to love and another to hate,
   A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

^9-13 But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.

¹⁴ I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God's done it and that's it. That's so we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.
¹⁵ Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That's how it always is with God.

Lately I have been really into reading scripture from the message bible. I just love the freedom and insight into some of the translations.

AND today as I think through our decision to move to Pierre, South Dakota, I am struck by the words from Ecclesiastes.

There are moments when I see God's plan so clearly and then there are moments that I question it. I just need to "quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear." God knows what will be, what was, and how it will all work out. And I need to stop questioning that.

Don't get me wrong. We are really excited for our family but sad to say good-bye. Hard to say good-bye.

So we go forward trusting in God. And hoping that some packing gnomes show up somewhere along the way. I have found my unpacking gnomes (Eli and Emma) I just need to find the ones that help pack.

Spring

2011-03-14T21:41:00.000-06:00

In need of some Spring and new life. It's still cold and snowy outside my window, so inside my blog I do what I want! So, Spring it is!

Children's Sermon = Funny

2011-03-14T21:27:00.001-06:00

This Sunday I had one of those children sermon moments.... One of those children sermons that leaves those unfortunate parents cringing at their child's comments... One of those children sermon moments that is just plain old hilarious!

So... the Old Testament text was about Adam and Eve.

I started out the message talking about plants.. and how some plants can be harmful to you if you eat them. And how in the garden of eden God told Adam and Eve that the one tree would hurt them if the ate it. They learned about the story of Adam and Eve in Sunday School, so I asked them what happened....

"They ate the apple!" some of them said.
"Yup, you are right. They at the apple," I replied back.

Then, before I could ask another question one little boy says very loud, "AND then what happened next is my FAVORITE PART!!!! They were NAKED!"

It was awesome! Poor parents... but sooooo funny! Extremely hard to come back from that one as the Pastor, but totally worth it.

On a side note, we lived through our first round of the stomach flu at the Goldammer household. Not the worst thing in the world, but glad we are done. I am always thankful that I don't know about those days in advance. It's much easier to live through it while it is happening and look back and say, wow I'm glad we don't have to do that again anytime soon!

Also.... things are a changing... I feel the winds of change in the air..... Stay tuned ..............

Mrs Jackle and Hyde ?

2010-11-10T09:16:00.000-06:00

A quick blog for this Wed morning.

First a little note: I DON'T HAVE TO TEACH CONFIRMATION TONIGHT!!!! Don't get me wrong I love the kids and I do really like confirmation, BUT with that being said, it feels really good to have a Wed off from responsibilities! AND to spend with the fam.

So on to my thought for the day.

I have been thinking a lot about our trip up to the Cities. It really felt like going home. As we drove into town it felt as if we never left and that we were going to drive to the apartments, walk up the stairs, and be home.

I found that I missed the Cities more than I realized and would love to just hang out in Uptown, watch the people, and just be trendy. I miss the culture. The fact that you can be just about anyone and fit in. I miss family and all of the things to do. I even miss the traffic (gasp).

But then there is that otherside of me ....

The side that loves the country. I love that everyday that I take the kids to daycare I get to drive on gravel road for about 3 blocks. Makes me feel a little bit more country. I love that I can drive 3 blocks and be out of town. The stars are so much brighter. Life is simpler. I know the doctors and they know me. I know everyone who owns and works uptown and they all know me. In some ways that makes like simpler.

I could go on and on about the things I don't like about both. I could go on and on about the frustrations that come and have come with both settings.

I think the question that I am really asking is: What do I really want? And where is God calling me to be? What is good for me and most importantly my family?

These questions I will struggle with for a few months, maybe more. These two questions need to be resolved and I don't have any of the answers yet. As I shake my magic eight ball and look for answers, 8 words come to mind. "Be Still And Know That I am God."

....... Wish I was better at being still :)

Anyone out there?!?!?!

2010-11-09T14:23:00.000-06:00

I have this WHOLE week off!!! AND I have so many things on my to do list. One of which is to blog 3 times this week. We will see how this goes.

This last weekend we went up to the Cities. Kind of as a family vacation and so Eric could go to the Vikings game. It was amazing to home much I miss the Cities. I didn't think I would ever say that but it was like going home. So much going on, so much to do, family, traffic (yes even the traffic), just a few things that I miss.

Sunday afternoon I took Eli and Emma over to the Children's Museum while Eric was a the game. We had a rocking good time but I could have gotten the worst mother of the year award. We were in the toddler/baby room and I turned around for 2 seconds and Eli slipped out the door, or someone let him out.. grrr... But I turned around and couldn't see him anymore. I finally found him in one of the other rooms playing with some water, so typical Eli to go find some form of water to play in. I just about crapped my pants thinking he ran off or someone took him. At about that time I decided it was lunch time and nap time. So we left. Regardless of that little incident, I would call the morning a success.

On our way home Monday we stopped at the Albertville Mall and have most of our Christmas shopping done. Feels REALLY good to be almost done. We had such a good time and only a few meltdowns... on and the kids only had a few meltdowns too. :)

So that was the start of my "week off". I have so much to do and it's almost 2:30pm. I feel a little guilty by taking the kids to daycare while I sit at home and blog but not guilty enough. We bought a really nice chest, that we can also sit on, to put our shoes in by the door. I put that together this morning. I unpacked from this weekend. Collected, sorted, and am doing laundry... which for those of you with children know how that is a job in and of itself. I haven't gotten to folding yet. I have started cleaning.... UGH! And at 5 I need to go pick up the kids.... wish I could add a couple of hours to my day.

Eric challenged me to relax, take a nap, read, and not do anything on my vacation. HAHAHAHA... he is so funny! I was planning on doing that this afternoon but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. I have too much to do and would rather get all of it done so I can sit in a clean house and relax and not think about all the stuff that needs to get done. Hopefully by Friday I can relax.... or I will have to clean again by than. Tomorrow isn't looking good for relaxing because I have an eye appointment in GF.

So here's to mental health weeks!

I'M BACK

2010-10-28T15:18:00.000-06:00

.... or at least going to work on posting more.

Sorry I took such a long sabbatical. Oh how I have missed you blog world! And oh how life has changed.

Not too many good thoughts coming my way this afternoon. I had a funeral this morning and I think it took all of my brain cells.

My goal for November is to post at least three times a week.

So... more to come!

Things I love

2009-08-26T10:26:00.002-06:00

Things I love:

1. This morning.. and many mornings I am so blessed to wake up to Eli "talking" to himself in his crib. It's the best sound to wake up to. Sometimes he will just talk and talk for 15-20 minutes. It's just great. Starts my day out with a smile on my face. I also love going in there and seeing the big smile when I get him out of his crib.

2. My husband. I know it's cheesy but he has been such a rock for me the last few months. I love that we can argue about how we are going to juggle everything day to day, week to week, year to year and still laugh in the midst of it. If we can't laugh, what do we have?

3. Family. We are going out to Rapid City for Labor Day to see family. I love family!

4. The school bell that rings every few minutes (or at least it feels like it). Love it! I love that every few minutes I feel like I must get up and switch activities. Am I being trained?

Prayers

2009-08-26T10:14:00.002-06:00

I pray today that God gives me wisdom. Wisdom to remember what I know today and to remember the lessons learned in a few years. God grant me the wisdom to make better decision and to understand the here and the now.

I also pray for patience. Patience in every situation that comes my way today and the next few months.

I pray for being able to shrug things off. To not take things personally. I pray that I can let things go in one ear and out the other. The things that I don't need that is.

I pray that others around me will be understanding to each needs of others. I pray that those around me will not just hear but really listen to me and those who need to be heard. I pray that I am able to listen and that God will guide me as to my actions.

All these things and more are in my prayers today.

Oh yeah ...

2009-08-24T12:07:00.000-06:00

Changed the profile a little...

... needed a little change!

Garbage .. or verbal diarrhea.. you decide

2009-08-24T11:44:00.004-06:00

So the beat goes on... and on... and on...

Eli was 9 month on Friday. He is getting to be so big. His 9 month check ups are today and I'm excited to see how big he really is. He took his first steps about a week ago at the end of his 8 months. He can not walk half way across the room without falling on his butt. It's so great to see how excited the gets about it. He is also into just about everything he can possibly find.

We have a kitty now too. LeRoy. It's great, when LeRoy gets all sassy he goes up on two legs behind Eli and then goes in for the kill. Bats his big head with his paws and runs away. Eli just kind of looks around like.. what just happened there? And than keeps on crawling. Now before you start feeling too bad for Eli, I will assure you that the cat is pretty gracious when comes to that boy pulling on his fur, ears, tail, and trying to use him as way to stand up. It will be interesting to see what happens as they get older and Eli really starts running.

Still working on getting settled here in the big town of Hillsboro. All of the 15oo people that live here. I grew up in a town of 25,000 and always felt like that was small. Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like it, just adjusting. Working on adjusting. A few weeks ago almost didn't make it to the drug store in time. I thought I was safe in going at 5:25pm. Nope.. closes at 5:30. Everything kind of shuts down around here at 7 or 8pm. I'm still use to open 24 hours a day.

Another good example of my poor planning. .... just heard the garbage people coming around the block. Don't think I missed them yet, they are doing the opposite side of the street so I hope they pick up our stuff too, or come back around. I forgot that Monday's are garbage day in town. Oops! My bad! I should probably put this into my blackberry as a reoccurring event!

And the perks you ask of living in a small town.
1. The hardware store owner brought an old fridge by for the garage so we have an extra one. Left one day to run to Fargo, came back in the evening and tada, fridge in our garage.
2. Went in to the doctor and my appointment didn't get done till almost 5:30pm (note 2 paragraphs before, it closes at 5:30) and the doctor called in my prescription to the drug store and told them I was coming so they stayed open till I got there.
3. Fish Fry. Walley Fish. On Tuesday, our anniversary. We were invited to the a local fish fry. A couple of gentleman from the congregation love to go fishing. Once they have fish stored up they have a fish fry for all to enjoy. Being the Pastor we were invited. It was so much fun and a great time to get to know people.

So I continue to learn. That I need to go to the grocery store before 7 at night. That I need to run my errands during the day. And I learn to make lists of the things I need, even when they are not empty yet, so that I can pick up things in the big cities... Fargo and Grand Forks.

And let us all pray that they come pick up my garbage!

By Popular Demand...

2009-08-05T13:19:00.002-06:00

.... or maybe just by one person's demand, or heckling if you will.. I'm back. (Or maybe will try to be back more often!)

Sorry it has been so long. Life has gotten away from me.

Long story short...

1. We are moved into our new place in North Dakota. They say it's not normal but it's cold here even in the summer! What am I going to do in the winter?!?!?!

2. We are finally getting things hung up on the wall in our house. Little by little. I am tackling the upstairs and will unwillingly move to the basement to get that unpacked and in order.

3. Because we have been gone so much we haven't gotten to number 2. Hopefully things will slow down for the rest of this month and I can get to number 2.

4. Working on confirmation and sunday school stuff at work. Also need to write a sermon. Any one up for writing my sermon?

5. My goal for today is to leave the office at 4pm because I need to be back here at 7pm for a board of edu meeting. I am also here tomorrow night at 7:30 for another meeting. The last couple of months I keep telling myself things will slow down next week.. or now next month... but it seems to be snow balling. How do I make it stop?

6. My husband has been awesome. He has been an excellent stay at home dad! I don't know what I would do with out him. He has a temporary job lined up helping a farmer during harvest and will continue the job hunt. It's hard to get much done though with a little stinker constantly going and going and going and going.

7. Eli is almost 9 months. Where have all those months gone?!?!?!?!

So that is a quick synopsis of life here. No promises but I will try to be better about blogging. I do enjoy it!

More To Come Soon

2009-06-08T16:39:00.001-06:00

Sorry it has been so long since I have written. I think I have finally taken enough time off from writing papers that I feel okay with writing for fun again.

Hopefully more to come soon!

Expecations of Self

2009-03-04T07:49:00.002-06:00

Such a good nights sleep. I took a little nap with Eli from 8:30-10pm. Then fed him and laid him down by 10:30pm. I was in bed by 11pm. He woke up at 3:30am... which means that he slept for 5 hours! Then had him back down and was in bed by 4am. Slept for another hour and a half. Got up for the day. That is like 7 hours of sleep! AMAZING!

I think part of this was because I came to a decision the previous night. I am not going to breast feed anymore, just pump. Eli isn't as interested and sometimes just gets really mad and then I get frustrated. It just isn't worth it anymore. We made it through a lot to be able to feed this long but I think all of the problems in the beginning just really started us out on a bad note. I should be thankful for the time that I did have and that he was willing to go along with it as long as he did. It's just hard because no matter what I still have to make up a bottle and feed him more. This skips a step now that I made this decision. And he seems to be happier. Once I get over my expectations of myself I realize that I am happier too. I have to just tell myself that he is still getting the benefits of it and that it might be totally different with the next one. This being a mother thing is harder mentally than I ever expected.

Totally Worth It

2009-03-02T08:08:00.002-06:00

Life is good!

This morning before I left the house I looked over to the lazy boy chair only to see Eric and Eli sleeping together. My heart melted. Both my boys so peaceful. And the getting up every 1-2 hours last night was totally worth it!

Babies

2009-02-28T18:07:00.002-06:00

I always have good ideas of things to blog about but never the time to write. When I find the time to write, I forget all of my good ideas. So today you get what is on my mind :)

Babies. More importantly my baby. I think he is starting to figure out who mom and dad are... and more importantly when he is being held by someone other than mom or dad. It just magically happened yesterday. I didn't think that was what was wrong but than today it happened again. M was holding him. Eric and I were both in the room opposite him. He looked at both of us and realized that neither of us had him, someone he didn't know did. The big fat bottom lip came out and he started to wine a little bit. We reassured him he was okay and then he seemed to be fine. That big fat bottom lip is so cute and breaks my heart all at the same time. And in this sick way it feels good that he knows us that well and we are that needed.

And he changes every day. He gets more of a personality which just melts my heart more and more. Friday morning I had him in the bathroom on the boppy pillow while I took a shower and got ready for class. I can sometimes do this so Eric and get a little extra sleep in the mornings. Eli kept making the same sounds with his mouth and than laughing at himself. Once I figured out what he was doing he got an even bigger reaction from me too. Just makes me so excited for him to get bigger and to really get to know his personality. I can't wait to see what kind of little man he is going to be and all the naughty things he will do and say.

Just a quick weight update to keep me honest. I lost another 2.5 lbs this past week. Little by little it will come off. Since January now I am down almost 10 lbs. Not as much as I would have hoped but I'm getting there. I broke down and bought a pair of normal jeans that actually zip and button up. I call them my transition jeans! :) Feels good to wear normal jeans again. Once Spring hits we will be able to get out more. My goal is to teach Eli how to eat well and more importantly how to have fun moving your body and getting exercise.

Torn

2009-02-17T08:17:00.003-06:00

So tired....

Last night was not a good night for sleep. I think the little one had a tummy ache because every time I put him down to sleep he would wake-up and be kind of crabby. The other things was that he had a LOT of gas. So I tried to sleep in the chair with him last night as best we could. He would wake-up every few hours to fuss a little and then I could get him back to sleep. Needless to say, not a lot of sleep.

This is my new favorite song. It Won't Be Like This For Long. This so explains my life right now and of course the first few times I heard it I bawled. I can't wait for the nights that Eli sleeps the whole way through but at the same time I don't want to wish away this awesome time with him. I know that he won't be a baby that long and I will only have so many chances to rock him to sleep and sing to him. (Which by the way he has started singing along with me. It is WAY too cute!)

The one thing I do know. In spite of the sleepless nights I wouldn't change my life for anything. I am so thankful for every moment. I also know that just like many memories I will look back on this time and smile.

Cleaning Up Life

2009-02-09T08:46:00.003-06:00

So much to talk about.. so little time!

We had a great weekend. I love having Eric around all weekend and really getting things done around the apartment. After 2 1/2 days I finally have the place mostly clean (or at the least the main rooms) and we went on a big grocery shopping trip. I also went through stuff and did some filing with the cleaning. Little by little. I still have a to do list that I want to get accomplished this week/weekend. My parents are coming early Sat. morning so they can help take care of the baby while I get some things done. What's my to do list consist of you ask... well let me share!

1. Go through Eli's clothes and figure out what fits and what doesn't fit anymore. Start to box up clothes that are too small.
2. Box up books that I don't need for this semester. I don't have enough room to have them all on the shelf in our packed tiny tiny office.
3. Replace the open space that is made from boxing up other books with this semesters books.
4. Organize my semester. One of my FAVORITE things to do! I love to organize the semester. Figuring out when things are due. What my semester is going to consist of. What work needs to get done and what just needs to get handed in. It's the follow through and actually doing the work that stinks!
5. Turn in scholarship to Fin. Aid.
6. Turn in deferment papers for a school loan to Register's Office... last time I will be turning them in. Nice and scary all at the same time!
7. Finish transferring music from my computer to my blackberry
8. Take apart the bassinet so it can go back home with my parents
9. Go through prego clothes and figure out what I don't wear anymore and pack them up to make room for non prego clothes which I hope to fit into soonish!
8. Work out on the Wii Fit everyday doing something
* I think that's a big enough list for now

This weekend was also great because it was spent hanging out with friends. I love just being able to laugh with E and J. They are just too funny and laughing is just so good for the soul. I don't laugh that hard near enough. After hanging out with them on Sat night Eric and I went home just smiling and we were both in such a great mood. Great friends give me energy and make life better!

This morning when I came to work I checked my mail and I had recieved a package over the weekend. It is from my good friend's mom. There was a bunch of baby stuff in it for Eli. One of which was a decorated towel and wash cloth. The towel has a hooded part attached. I just LOVE that kind of stuff! I have no creativity like that so I just am so impressed by other people's gifts and thoughtfulness. He is one little spoiled guy!

Quick update:
Eric and I have decided to switch our weigh in day to Friday. We eat the most on Sunday night for the whole week, weigh in Monday morning, and then I feel like I am never really loosing any weight. Which is not true. So If we weigh in on Friday's I think I won't feel so defeated all the time. I have been really doing the Wii Fit and REALLY enjoying it. It's so easy to do in the house and I can do step areobics while watching my tv shows. I also enjoy doing the Yoka and strength trainging. It doesn't seem very hard when I am doing it but can really feel it when I am done!

So in short.... here beginnings the Spring Semester. Here's to getting my crap done so I can graduate and have a big people job!

Mornings

2009-02-04T07:57:00.003-06:00

I use to hate mornings. 9am seemed to come too early. Now I love mornings. I always wanted to love mornings and now I do!

I feel so blessed that I don't have to take Eli to a babysitter and drop him off. He is home with my husband and I don't have to worry about him. Therefore, I can enjoy every moment of Sarah time at the desk. I get to blog, which I love. I get to surf facebook and catch-up on everyone's lives. And I get to chat with friends who stop by the desk in the morning. Oh and I need to mention that I get to drink coffee.... one of my vises.

4 hours is the perfect amount of time. For the first hour and a half no one is really around. I get to live in my own head and muse around with different thoughts. Solve the worlds problems if you will.. or just mine....or at least pretend. I can come up with a game plan for the day, what really needs to get done and how I am going to accomplish it.

And then I get to go home to my amazing little boy. This morning he was just hanging out in his crib for a good half hour. At first he was watching the mobile but then the batteries went so he just looked around for a while. What a great little guy!

So for now I enjoy my mornings. I enjoy my Sarah time and the precious time that I get with my family and friends. Who would have every thought I would be so excited about being up at 5am!

Weight Loss Update

2009-02-02T08:28:00.003-06:00

One last thing for the day.

Today is weigh in day. To keep me honest I should blog about it quick. I lost a pound this week. So because I gained last week I am back to where I started 3 weeks ago. So a little frustrating but I just have to keep telling myself I did loose this week and I just need to keep working at it. All is not lost. I have done this before and I will do it again.

A self realization yesterday was that I will always struggle with this. It's not going to be something I conquer and can stop thinking about. It will always be a struggle and something I need to work on.

So I take a moment to lament about that. To feel bad for myself and wish that it was different. And then I get down to business and work on it. Do what I need to do to be healthy and keep myself in check.

Wii Fit

2009-02-02T08:07:00.003-06:00

Eric knows how much I am struggling with finding a way to get exercise in and still get sleep. We had looked around for a Wii Fit. The guy at Best Buy told me that they were getting some in yesterday morning so I rushed over there to check it out when they opened. No go. Some worker I talked to told me that they don't really ever get any in and if they would it would be advertised in the paper a head of time. Bummer!

Last night Eric was on the computer and happened to stumble upon one on Amazon so he bought it for me. What a wonderful husband. It will just be another thing in my arsenal of ways to loose some weight. On my walks up the hill in the morning I get more and more excited for the days to come when I can go out walking with Eli in the stroller. They are coming soon and we are getting closer every day! I just also LOVE summer!

Spending Money

2009-02-01T15:23:00.004-06:00

Sitting at the desk again so I thought this would be a good time to blog quick.

Nothing too much new in our area of the world.

Yesterday the stars aligned and we bought a new tv. It was a really good deal and I think Sony is trying to phase out their 42" tvs. So we bought one. Eric is one happy dude and is VERY excited for the Superbowl this afternoon. I had picked up some 3-D glasses to view the commercial that is happening right before halftime. I was super excited about them when I got home. Who wouldn't be! Eric pointed out that I was more excited about the FREE 3-D glasses than the fact that we just bought a new tv. Huh... I guess I am easily entertained. Not always a bad thing.

Eli continues to grow and get more entertaining daily. I enjoy being a mother more daily. I feel really blessed by what God has given us. I wouldn't change my life for anything.

Still working on getting on track with the weight thing. Last week I gained... how sad! But this week I am loosing it and I feel better about weighing in on Monday. It's just a little more difficult because I know I need to eat a certain amount because I'm breastfeeding. I am also still trying to figure out how to get exercise in. The Dance Dance Revolution idea isn't working so well. I started doing Pilates now. 30 minutes really works and I can feel it. I figure it will also help me to reshape my abs and get my posture back.. or maybe get good posture for the first time.

My friend K came over last night. It was really good to see her for a little bit and catch-up. She is really struggling with something in her life right now and it was good to just listen for a while. I pray for her and hope that everything works out. It always sucks when the carpet gets pulled out from underneath you. Eric brought Sushi home and the three of us enjoyed it throughly. It was just good to hang out and catch up again. I just love having people over at our place.

Otherwise I am just enjoying the weekend and enjoying Eric being home. It's always good to hang out.

Peace Out till next time.

Eli is 2 months already!

2009-01-23T07:50:00.002-06:00

If you have read Wed. post I would like to let you all know that I did get a little nap it AND I accomplished everything on my "to do" list. I love those days!

Yesterday Eli had his 2 month shots. He did really well and just cried when she started. I think it took him a few seconds to realize what was going on. Overall he didn't freak out too much. We have been giving him infant Tylenol and that seems to be helping too. He is now:
11.11 lbs (55 percentile for his age)
21.5 inches long (10 percentile for his age but the doctor said he will catch up, I'm not too worried about it yet.)

I was able to get the car cleaned quickly yesterday too since it was so nice outside. It was good to get all that salt off the car and see it sparkle again. Eli was crying before we went into the car wash but once we were in there he really seemed to like all the noises and the brushes going over the car. It will be fun to go through a car wash as he gets older.

It's finally Friday! I'm kind of excited about that. Not that I have any big weekend plans but it's just nice to have Eric home all day and to spend time with him too. I am also done with my bible study for my Gen to Rev class. I am homework free again for another couple of weeks. I am working on reading the book "The Shack." So far so good. REALLY sad but good. I will let you know what I think at the end. I honestly have so many books on my list that I want to read. Some day!

Question for the Day

2009-01-21T07:44:00.004-06:00

QUESTION FOR THE DAY:
Why is it that when I sit in the chair at the infodesk... pull it up to the desk and get ready for a good morning of surfing the internet... I feel the need to put my seat belt on? Figure that one out!

This morning was a pretty productive morning. I woke up at 5:30am. Showered quick. Eli woke up around 6 to eat. I fed him and got him back down by 6:30. Finished getting ready and was out the door by 7:15am. I even had chance to shovel some cereal in this morning. I left the house with two boys each sleeping in their own beds. Most of the time I leave them sleeping in the chair. I hope Eric was able to get some sleep in before the little one woke.

Today I have a lot to get done and of course have a list:
1. Finish Bible Study
2. Come up to campus to print off
3. Buy stamps for us and for the infodesk
4. Mail letters
5. Call Fairview
6. Call insurance company... they finally got Eli's insurance cards to me but they spelled our last name wrong. Grrrr!! I feel like I need to do everyone's job for them!
7. Fax Eli's insurance info to different doctor's offices

I think that's it. Somewhere in there I would LOVE to take a nap! We will see if that happens.

Oh yeah and update on the weight loss thing. I did pretty good this week. I lost 2.5 lbs. Not bad. I'm tryting to figure out how much I need to eat because I'm breastfeeding but also not trying to over eat. I figure with the breastfeeding thing this will be the easiest time for me to loose weight since it allows me to eat more. It's kind of nice to keep track and to know that I am loosing the weight and it helps me to feel better in the midst of still not fitting into my jeans yet.

Update and Goal for the New Year

2009-01-12T07:53:00.003-06:00

So much to do in my 4 hours at the infodesk... so little time!

So I thought I would spend some of that time blogging. It's been a while. Few key things that have happened since the last blog:

1. Christmas that the Hartung household -- it was a good time had by all. Hard to catch up with everyone but we tried.

2. Eli's baptism the weekend after Christmas 12/28. It was great to have family around and to see him get baptized. I might have started to tear up a little.

3. The mom came up to stay with us for a few days the week after Christmas. We took her back to South Dakota with us when we headed out again to the Mitchell/Sioux Falls area. It was great to have her around and nice to have the help. It felt like the time went by so fast. Makes me wish we were closer!

4. Christmas at the Goldammer's in Ethan, SD was celebrated the first weekend in Jan. It was really good to have everyone home. All day Saturday we hung out and didn't make it anywhere because of the snow. It was actually really nice just to stay in all day.

5. Sunday Jan. 4th we took off and headed to Sioux Falls for a few hours. I had my approval interview. I was approved. YAY! Then we had pizza with some friends really quick and took off back to the Cities. I wish we would have had more time to see more people. Maybe in the next visit. It was good just to be able to see the few we got to see.

6. I started a J-term class. Genesis to Revelation. It's 2 weeks, the whole bible. It's in the afternoon so Eli has been going with me. He seems to really like it and so far has learned most ofthe Old Testament. This week we are on to the New Testament.

So that's pretty much the catch-up.

Before you read the next paragraph I would like to start out by saying.. I don't like New Years Resolutions and this is not one of them. It's just time to start loosing some of the baby fat and trying to fit into my non-prego pants again.

Today starts the Eric and Sarah weight loss program. It's going to be awesome! Our goal is to lose weight. I know.. pretty obvious. We want to lose 50 lbs between the two of us by C and A's Wedding July 10th. I want to loose the majority of those lbs. 35-40 lbs would be awesome! It will just be nice to have Eric on board to eat better with me. For me to loose the 35-40 lbs by July 1oth I will have to loose an average of 1-2lbs a week. That is pretty easy to do. I was really struggling with how to get exercise in these next few months when it is too cold to take the Eli for a walk outside. I originally was not walking up the hill for work because of the shoes I wear up here, butI have now decided just to pack dress shoes and wear my tenni runners up the hill. Even that 10 minutes up and 10 minutes down 3 times a week will help this month. I will probably have to renegotiate that in Feb. once classes start up again.

Working at the desk again I am gong to try to be better about blogging. With that being said... off to get some more of my me time in!

Coming Out of the Fog

2008-12-23T08:21:00.002-06:00

Now for more of a coherent ramble then yesterday.

First, I'm working at the info desk again today for a couple hours. I wanted to make sure I would get the schedule done for January. It's done.

Last night was kind of a long night again. Normally Eli falls back a sleep at night after he eats. Not last night. He really fought it and though that 4am was time to hang out and check out the world. It took me a while to get him back to sleep and then to get him into a deep sleep. I ended up just sleeping with him in the chair again so I could get some sleep. I didn't want to, or have the energy, to play the lay him down, he wakes up, we start the process all over again game. I normally wouldn't mind but when I have to be at work at 7:30am I just don't have the energy. He has also been waking up 2 hours after he falls a sleep again. I think he is going through a growth spurt and needing to eat all the time again. Oh the joys of motherhood!

I do need to run some errands today and need to get some presents wrapped. Only if there were more time in the day. It was so much easier and more fun to run errands when Rachel was here to do it with me. I don't mind traffic or the craziness of people when someone else is with me. I also know that when I go out with him he sleeps so I miss my window of nap time.

Well, that's my little update. I will try to be better about blogging more often now that I am starting to emerge from the fog that is having a newborn.

It's called thinking of others

2008-12-22T16:18:00.003-06:00

Just a quick update while the little one sleeps.

Yesterday Eli was 1 month old. Crazy how fast time goes! I can't believe that it's almost Christmas already.

We are doing well and getting more and more use to life with a little one. I was doing really well at the moment but now the neighbor is playing his tv REALLY loud. It's really annoying and making me really mad. If he wakes the baby, that's it!

We are heading to Aberdeen for Christmas and Eli is getting baptized on Sunday. Then the next weekend is my approval interview in Sioux Falls for candidacy and so we will be doing Christmas in Mitchell.

Oh, think the little one is awake again. GRRR to the neighbor next door. He only slept for a half hour because of him. I wish people would think of others when they live in an apartment!

Life is Good

2008-12-08T19:19:00.003-06:00

I have finally found a few moments! I should be sleeping but it's so hard to fall a sleep once you find your hands free to do other things, like typing on the computer to update people. So here I am quick to blog a few thoughts for the moment.

The last week has been crazy and I am glad that it's almost over. Eli has been really restless and wants to eat ALL the time. Meaning he only takes a 15-20 minute break in between. This includes at night. Any time I would move him he would wake-up and want to eat again. It was ridiculous! I finally called a lactation consultant on Thur. We went in on Friday and found out that the problem is that he inherited my tongue. He was tongue tied. (The cartilage under his tongue goes to the tip and makes it REALLY hard to suck, therefore feed.) Needless to say both of were getting overly tired and not happy about the situation.

Today we went down to Burnsville and had it clipped. It was an in-clinic thing and took a few seconds. Immediately after they clipped it they had me feed him to stop any bleeding and get him use to using it right away. It was heaven! So much better then before. I guess before he was using his gums to feed. Yup.. OUCH!

So life is good and things are looking up. This is first time I have had a few minutes to write anything in the last week and that in itself feels great. I am looking forward to a little more sleep tonight. Maybe only having to get up a couple of times to feed instead of all night. Speaking of feeding all night, you would not imagine some of the random things that are on at night. In some ways I like watching tv and finding good random stuff on at 3am. I just wish someone was up with me sometimes to laugh at things also. However I am looking forward to the day that I get 4 or 5 hours a sleep in a night again.

Few Pictures of Eli

2008-11-30T16:56:00.006-06:00

Adjusting

2008-11-26T14:11:00.002-06:00

Sleep... what is that again? Probably what I should be doing right now but I figure this is the easiest way to update people and feel a little human.

Life is good. Eli is doing really well and all three of us are adjusting to life again. He is such a great baby! The second night he was having a hard time sleeping by himself but I think we are starting to get over that problem. I don't blame him, if I could be held and loved all the time I would love that too.

Labor and Delivery went great. We had an awesome nurse and she was so helpful. We went in at 7:30am and by 2:02pm Eli came into the world. We only stayed 24hrs because everything went well and we wanted to come home to relax and rest. I am still a little sore and my body is getting use to not being pregnant anymore. That was probably the one thing that I didn't think about. How I would feel after I gave birth.

My parents are coming to night and Eric's parents are coming tomorrow afternoon. It will be good to have people around.

I will try to write more later.

Trying To Find Patience

2008-11-20T14:03:00.003-06:00

Less then 24 hours before I get induced. My feelings are mixed.

Part of me has that feeling of being young again and so excited for a trip. The anticipation is starting to consume my every thought. Playing it out in my mind how things will go or won't go. What I will feel. What I will want. What the next two weeks will look like. It's funny how it's never how you pictured it, good or bad, it's always different then you expected.

The other part of me it hasn't even hit yet. Everyone around me is excited and nervous for me, but I don't feel like I can even grasp what is to come. It doesn't feel real yet.

These last few weeks I have been so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Being so uncomfortable, unable to sleep, wanting to meet the little guy. Today it feels different. This is the last time I will feel him kicking inside of me, asserting need for more room. Some how I find myself with mixed feelings now. Funny how that all changes.

Maybe it's the realization that everything changes. That you experience things in life and then you continue on because there is more to experience. Without moving on you would never experience more moments that are just as great or better.

So it's a day of mixed feelings and probably a little bit of the hormones talking. I find that I could potentially cry over anything the last couple of weeks. One thing I know is that I'm ready to be done with that feeling!

I probably won't post till the baby is here. Life will be different that is for sure. But I will keep you all updated on the joys and struggles of life with a new born.

Appointment

2008-11-19T13:24:00.003-06:00

Quick little update. Went to the doctors today for my weekly check-up. Everything looked good. Still at 3cm but now 80% effaced. Hopefully that means on Friday it should take too long for me to have this little one. I am feeling a little surge of energy to get some more stuff done so that is good. Hopefully this afternoon I get take a nap and get some more homework done.

To Do

2008-11-19T08:50:00.003-06:00

It's my day to sleep in. The first Wednesday to not have to be in to work at the OCC at 7:30am in 2 1/2 months. And do I sleep in... nope. I got up around 7:20am to go to the bathroom. When returning to bed I had found that someone had rolled over into my spot and was sound a sleep. He was just too cute to move, and I was tired of being in bed, so I decided to come out to the living room and try my hand at sleeping out here for a while. Not a chance. By this point I have way too much on my mind. Things that need to get done.

So I decided instead of waisting an hour or two trying to fall back a sleep just in time to have to get up and shower, I would just get up and work on some stuff. Take a nap this afternoon.

I find that posting my to do list on here really helps me to be focused. Or something... So here it is:

1. clean the kitchen.... check (just waiting for the floor to dry)
2. clean the bathroom
3. shower
4. doctors appointment at 11:50am
5. hopefully respond to my partner's essay online if she ever posts it. The essay was due yesterday at 8am and it's still not posted. We have 3 days to respond. Hope I don't have a baby before then or no responding from me. Just kind of annoying because I don't want to have to worry about it later.
6. work on Gospel of John homework due tomorrow (just looking up background information, nothing strenious)
7. if time try to research and write 3rd essay for Holy Spirit so I don't have to do it later.

So we will see how far I get. 1-6 needs to get done today but it would be nice to get of number 7 done.

BABY NEWS:
No news. Nothing much new on the baby front. Had some really good strong contractions last night but they didn't continue for super long. We will see what the doctor says today. Probably just see you on Friday.

I had lunch with a stuffed animal because I'm sexy and I do what I want.

2008-11-17T20:35:00.002-06:00

Just couldn't help myself! Thanks Moe :)

Pick the month you were born:
January——-I kicked
February——I loved
March——–I karate chopped
April———-I licked
May———-I jumped on
June———-I smelled
July———–I did the Macarena With
August——–I had lunch with
September—-I danced with
October——-I sang to
November—–I yelled at
December—–I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1——-a birdbath
2——-a monster
3——-a phone
4——-a fork
5——-a snowman
6——-a gangster
7——-my mobile phone
8——-my dog
9——-my best friends‘ boyfriend
10——-my neighbor
11——-my science teacher
12——-a banana
13——-a fireman
14——-a stuffed animal
15——-a goat
16——-a pickle
17——-your mom
18——-a spoon
19—— - a smurf
20——-a baseball bat
21——-a ninja
22——-Chuck Norris
23——-a noodle
24——-a squirrel
25——-a football player
26——-my sister
27——-my brother
28——-an ipod
29——-a surfer
30——-a llama
31——-A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White———because I’m cool like that
Black———because that’s how I roll.
Pink———–because I’m crazy..
Red———–because the voices told me to.
Blue———–because I’m sexy and I do what I want
Green———because I think I need some serious help.
Purple———because I’m AWESOME!
Gray———-because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.
Yellow——–because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange——–because my family thinks I’m stupid anyway.
Brown———because I can..
Other———-because I’m a Ninja!
None———-because I can’t control myself!

Update

2008-11-17T20:14:00.003-06:00

Sorry I haven't updated. I am going through spurts of needing to sleep, clean the house, make Eric move things around and hang things up. I think I am just ready for this baby to come!

With that being said, we are still waiting.

This past Wednesday's Doc. appointment we decided that if he doesn't come before Friday we are going to induce. So I am scheduled to go in at 7:30am. They will break my water and give me drugs to start labor. I am already 3cm and 70% effaced so it really should take much is what the Doctor said. Still having contractions but nothing strong enough or for long enough to get overly excited about. I feel like I am at the edge and someone just needs to push me over.

The Doctor also guessed on his weight. She thought he had hit the 8lbs mark. To that I say, "yup, time for him to come out!" It will be interesting to see how close she is to his actual weight. All I know is that he is big and I am ready to meet him.

Eric's sister and fiance are coming up on Saturday so I'm also really excited for that. It will be good to see them and for them to hang out with us in the hospital. They are really laid back but really good company. It will be really good to have them around. My parents are going to wait till next Wed. to come up so they can be up here for Thanksgiving and till Sunday. It will also be good to have family here for Thanksgiving. Eric's parents are going to try to come up next Saturday. It will be nice to have family here to help and give me a chance to get some sleep also.

So, that's about it. Every day I get a little bit more homework done and that always feels good. Eric is still working but always on baby call. He keeps telling me to stop being a baby hog. Every time I think the contractions are actually getting stronger and it might be it, he gets all excited. It's kind of cute.. okay, not just kind of but really cute! I am excited to see him be a dad.

I will try to be better about updating this week and then posting pictures when the little one actually comes.

Summer Camp

2008-11-10T07:37:00.003-06:00

We are still waiting.

Some days he acts like he is going to come but then the contractions just fizzle out. I think I am more then ready to just get the show on the road.

Friday we found ourselves at the hospital. I had contractions every 3-5 minutes for a couple of hours regularly so the nurse at the clinic told me to head to the hospital. We were really excited thinking this is the beginning. Well, I was having regular contractions but they weren't strong enough. They told me to come in again if they got bad enough I couldn't talk through them. Oh yeah, on Wed. at the doctors office I was at a 3cm and I guess on Friday I was the same. The nurse lady at the birth place said they didn't want to admit me till I was at a 5cm. So we wait some more. I'm not a very good waiter.

All weekend we were at the hospital anyhow. We had our birth and parenting classes. Most of it was common sense but some was helpful. I think just good to know and have in the back of our minds. During the class we added up how much time it would take to feed and change the little one. 7.5 hours. That is a full time job. AHHHH That doesn't even count everything else that goes along with a baby. Someone should have done the math for us before all of this happened. In light of this realization... or number crunching... I have decided that having a newborn is going to be a lot like working at camp. And here is why:

1. When you sign-up to work at camp you think it is a really good idea. You don't think of all the work or lack of time to yourself. All you see in your mind is fireworks and balloons, maybe some confetti. The only thing that flashes through your mind is FUN! This too happens when you think of babies. The joys of having a baby overshadow any common sense or clarity of reality. I think it's God's trick to get us to procreate.

2. Time Factor. As previously mentioned there isn't a lot of time to yourself with a baby. Much like at camp. I remember coveting my 5-10minutes a day that I got to spend talking to an adult. It kept my sanity. Kept me going. This will be the same way the first few months of the babies life. What's an adult conversation? Have I been outside of the house in the last 4 days? When's the last time I've showered? All questions you ask yourself at camp and when you have a baby. The only difference is that at camp I smelt of horses and campfire. With the baby I will smell of spit-up and poop.

3. Lack of sleep. At camp you get a few hours of sleep a night on a good night. You rely a lot on caffeine and motivation. Baby... what you get to sleep at all?

4. And then just like camp when looking back on the past summer you remember all of the good times, some of the bad, but for the most part think that it would be a great idea to work their again. In the same way when the last child is 2 or3 years of age you look back on the first few months and remember the mostly good times. The struggles that you overcame and think once again that having another child is a good idea.

I remember the first week when the campers arrived. I was scared I was going to break them or mess them up for life. I didn't know what I was doing. What I really wanted was to sit back to watch someone else do it for a while. Someone had taught me some things during training but I couldn't remember them... how do I do that again?

So I'm ready. Bring it on. Just like I muddled my way through the first week or two of camp I will do the same with this little one. I will learn, I will find that I can do it, I will overcome and I will learn a lot about myself and my marriage. And through it all I will truly live.

Rainy Day Spider Solitaire

2008-11-03T08:01:00.003-06:00

I have a new addiction....Rainy Day Spider Solitaire on iVillage games.

This is what my morning will hopefully look like:

1. 7:30-8:02am -- Online Rainy Day Spider Solitaire. I have come in and gotten a little fix. Only a half hour so that's not bad.

8:02-8:30am -- Blog and read others blogs; some where in here BS with the maintenance guys

8:30am -- Finish thoughts on sermon for class this afternoon. Remember that the sermon is only for class and it doesn't have to be perfect. This is also my last sermon for the class this year! YIPPIE!

9ish - 9:30am -- Reward myself for finishing the sermon with some Rainy Day Spider Solitaire

9:30am -- Work on homework for EBT that is due on Friday

10:30am -- Go to Gospel of John Class

12:30pm -- Come back to the infodesk to work till 3

3-5pm -- Senior Preaching Class

5pm -- Go home and take a nap! Really this is my favorite part of the day.

Quick note: Eric goes to see Keith today for a massage. I am excited to see how that goes and if he likes it. I hope he really enjoys it but the other part of me is scared that he will really enjoy it and want to go often. Who is going to pay for that?

Sunday Afternoon in the OCC

2008-11-02T14:20:00.002-06:00

So there is this little event in the campus center today. There is one gentleman who has been wondering around by the desk wanting to know why the building wasn't designed differently. Mainly because he couldn't figure out where the parking lot was and got confused. So he needed to complain about it. I'm not sure what he wanted me to do about it?!?! I'm not going to go and knock down walls for him and build a walkway so he feels better. THEN he asked me where they hold Sunday services. Um.. we don't. He kind of freaked about about that and said, "What.. (gasp)... the Lutheran Seminary doesn't hold Sunday services!" (In a very judging tone) Then I tried to explain to him that everyone is out in congregations and have responsibilities for Sunday services in church communities around the City. We have Chapel services everyday of the week at 10am. Well, I think that let the air out of his balloon a little and he couldn't find anything else wrong so he walked away. I just don't get why people need to come in and complain about everything. Does it make them feel better?

Getting closer to having my sermon written for class on Monday. That's exciting! I'm trying so hard to be motivated but it is so beautiful outside I can't help but want to be out there. AND I am being good and snacking on baby carrots. All I want to do is eat so I am trying to eat something good for me and not just junk. Once again I think I have a bound will to food.

Ready, Set.... Go?

2008-11-02T11:14:00.002-06:00

I'm Ready!

I'm ready to have this baby already. Last night while I was sleeping my sides just hurt so bad from having to lay on them all the time. This morning after being up for a while my back is killing me! I think that means that the baby is growing again and not just a little bit but noticeably. So I put my belly belt on again today. I have found that I don't need it everyday so I usually only wear it when I need it. I think that sitting at the desk for too long is part of my problem also. I'm just looking forward to this part of it being over and having a baby. At this point I don't even care about school work or the infodesk and how that is all going to work itself out.... I just want this baby to come. I dreamed about being in labor all night long so obviously I'm ready. I have also found that I am the most emotional I have ever been. I could start crying over anything. I don't like that feeling and it usually isn't me. Once again I look forward to having my body back and the hormones to even out again. I keep telling myself that there have been so many strong women who have done this before me.. and continue to have childern. I just have to keep my eye on the goal.

One more crab for the day. It is so HOT in the campus center that I think I might be melting. You would think that they could regulate the heat a little better and save some money.

On an up note.... it was daylight savings last night and we gained an extra hour. Can't complain about that really. Espeically for this prego woman who needs all the extra hours she can get of sleep!

Indecisive

2008-10-31T14:59:00.002-06:00

I have so many mixed emotions today.. well I've felt like this for a few days.. but add the whole Halloween/should be doing something tonight thing in and I feel kind of lonely. Eric is at work till 10:30 tonight and I don't feel like being all that social but at the same time I'm really lonely and feel like I should be doing something tonight. Once again I feel like I want to get out of town. Maybe I just want to have a purpose. I want to sleep and have a party all at the same time. I think I need to have this baby because the hormones are getting to me!

Trying to Relax

2008-10-30T13:40:00.003-06:00

Finally just got done with my little paper thing for my 6-week class that ended. It wasn't a huge burden but feels good to be done.

I'm just looking ahead to see what is next on my plate to get done. I work this weekend so I will have plenty of time sitting at the desk to get stuff done. One of which is writing my last sermon for senior preaching.

The last couple of days I have been a little more nervous about how classes and stuff are going to get done and how that is all going to work out. I talked with one of my profs and he was so great about everything. He said just keep doing the work for the weeks and we will just figure it out when we need to. He also reminded me that we are over half over with course work so not to worry too much. Made me feel a lot better and to just relax about school work a little more.

And tonight is Grey's. I have a couple of friends coming over and I plan on just relaxing. I been having trouble sleeping lately and I think it's because stress and hormones. Taking some me time should hopefully help.

Speaking of me time! I scheduled Eric for an hour massage with K today for Monday morning and I scheduled myself for a half hour again on Tuesday afternoon. We are going to work on my lower body this next time and stretching a little more so I am more prepared for labor. Hopefully this baby can wait to come till after then!

Doctors Appointment

2008-10-29T14:50:00.002-06:00

Just had a doctors appointment. I was really disappointed with the doctors office today. I got there at 2:00pm thinking that my appointment was at 2:10pm. Only to find out that I was scheduled at 12:10pm. I looked in my little blue bible to see if maybe I had assumed something or if I made a mistake. What I had written down was 2:10pm. Who knows who messed up. Good possibility that it could have been me. At that point it didn't matter I had to figure out a solution. Once the receptionist told me that I was suppose to be their earlier she just stood there and stared at me. So I asked her what I should do next... I don't know how this whole thing works. All I know is that I am suppose to see the doctor once a week. If it had just been me I probably would have gone home and come back next week, thinking whatever. But the problem is that it's not just me anymore and I have this other life inside of me that I need to think of. Not fair to him if something is wrong and I would never forgive myself if I just didn't care enough to make a stink about seeing the doctor. So I asked what I should do next.... She told me I could either reschedule for Friday (ugh) or see the nurse. Well, I know that I am suppose to see the doctor only now and I know nurses are good people but what do they know about a prenatal check-up? So I questioned the receptionist if I could see the nurse. She just kind of looked at me again and was like or you could come back on Friday. Then I asked her again, but is it "okay" for me to see the nurse? She was like yeah, why not. I just wanted some more information to be able to make an informed decision, I'm not asking for your attitude. So I said okay, I will see the nurse then. About 5 minutes later I get called back to do the lab thing. The lab person walked past the bathrooms that I knew about to pee in the cup and as she was about 5 feet in front of me she says to no one walking in front of her, "can you give a sample." At first I wasn't even sure if it was her talking much less to me. And I was confused because we had passed the bathrooms. So I asked her, "What was that?" Then she asked me again so I did that whole business and went into the lab to check weight and blood pressure. Found out that I lost 2lbs and my blood pressure is down... which is great! But the lab person was super impersonal and just kind of like whatever. Then she took me into a room and told me to get undressed from the waist down and wait. Never told me why I was undressing or what was going on. So there I sat for a few minutes waiting for the "nurse" and just feeling like crap. Maybe a little like cattle being herded around. And I started lamenting about my doctor in Sioux Falls. How much I loved Dr. Scott and all the of staff. I lamented about how I never felt like I was just a thing. And being 37 1/2 weeks prego.. and emotional the tears started coming. I tried really hard to keep it in. If I could just get through the visit and then go out into my car and let it go. I tried so hard but the nurse practitioner came in and I just couldn't hold it in. And she noticed right away and was very concerned. And so we talked. And she was very understanding. And I found out that she wasn't just a nurse but a nurse practitioner... big difference. And I feel bad because it's not about being nervous about labor. I just am not really worried about that part. I am looking forward in a weird way to experiencing the process. I am looking forward to overcoming and having this little miracle at the end. And the other part is that I like my doctor here. Dr. Baker has been great, it's just her staff that I have not been impressed with at all. And I just needed to be frustrated for a while because I use to have the whole package.

But after really listening to me and talking we did the check-up. She checked the baby's heartbeat. Everything is good there. I was able to ask the questions I wanted and she was so great about answering them. I was surprised to learn that I am 1cm. I guess that doesn't mean that the baby is going to come tomorrow or the next day. It just means that my body is really preparing itself and starting the process. Also if something would happen and they would need to induce, it means that it wouldn't take much to induce me.

So there you have it. An up and down day. Exciting to know that I am close to having the baby. It's also exciting to know that my body is really ready to have this baby. But also just emotional. And so I take it one moment at a time. And in those moments everything will get done.

Wednesday Rambling

2008-10-29T06:47:00.002-06:00

So I had a dream last night that I met the New Kids on The Block. I know.. weird. They were really nice in my dream and I was really excited to meet them. Who knew I cared so much????
Also, earlier in the evening when I took a little snoozer (that's fancy for nap), I had a dream that I was solving a murder mystery. Kind of like I was on NCIS or CSI. I think it had to do with some baseball thing or situation. (once again why baseball) I was all super detective person and solving the case one fact at a time. I also was making up the dream as I went, so I'm not sure if I was creating a tv show or solving a crime. I think this means that I have watched too much TV. Yup, pretty sure that's what that means. They have been having NCIS marathons from 4-7 every night on USA. I can't help myself. I have to have it on while I am making supper and I have to watch NCIS and CSI in the evenings. Us having DVR has not helped either because I can just record it and watch it later if need be. I wonder if there are any support groups for those who have murder mystery issues?

This morning I was walking into the campus center to work and it was kind of dark still. I thought I saw something playing or moving around on the yard. Then I decided that maybe I was just making things up so I kept walking. All of a sudden out of no where I was attacked. BY BIRDS! I have always thought that the squirrels around campus are plotting against the people but never the birds. Those sneaky birds. Two of them flew up out of no where and dive bombed me. I think I even let out a little screetch. It was great.

Today we have a doctors appointment at 2:10. Yay for peeing in a cup! The goal this appointment is to have maintained my blood pressure of for it to have even come down a little. Now that midterm stuff is over I'm hoping this is the case. I have already tried restricting some of my own activity and not adding to what I need to do. I would rahter restrict my own stuff a little then the doctor restricting it for me. Yesterday I took the whole afternoon off after my massage and just relaxed. I sat in the recliner as much as possible and elevated my feet. I can tell as the days go by it's harder to get the fluid out of my legs. Although I still can't complain because I haven't had as much trouble as a lot of women. Eric still thinks that his wishful thinking will bring the baby here on Friday. He is getting anxious for the little guy to be here.

So here is my goal for the day. My "to do list" if you will:
1. Write my final reflection paper that no one know how long it is suppose to be for OT class. (sometimes not having a specific number of pages that you have to write is freeing.... other times it's just annoying!)
2. Finish my online bible study for the Gospel of John.
3. Stop drinking the juice that gives me bad heart burn (I made some juice last night. It sounded great when I pulled it out of the freezer.. something about cherry, grape, and apple caught my eye. Sounded like a wonderful idea when I made it. The first glass was good around 8pm so at 11pm right before I went to bed I decided that a 2nd glass would be even better. I woke up around 1am and had the worst heart burn. It felt like my esophogus was on fire. I took some tums and drank a little 2% milk. Went back to bed, right after I went to the bathroom of course. This morning I thought that maybe it was because I drank the juice and then layed down that caused the problem. Just kidding. It's the juice. I drank some this morning again and I think that I now have a hole in my esophogus. Note to self: make Eric drink the rest of the juice.)

Habits

2008-10-28T14:13:00.002-06:00

Today has been a great day. It's so nice to have finished 2 classes. (I will have totally finished 2 classes once I type my paper this afternoon). I would normally have class this afternoon from 1-4 but not anymore! I have extra time to relax and get homework done. Feels really good!

This afternoon I had a 1/2 massage. It was great. I feel so much better and didn't realize how tight I was in my shoulders. We only did a half hour because K thought it would be a good idea to make sure it's okay with my doctor before we go longer. I will talk to her tomorrow and am hoping that I can go back in a week or two and work on stretching and massaging my legs which will help with delivery. I also think I am going to send Eric to K. He could help Eric with his neck/upper back problem and I think help him with his new found lifting and working out regimen. K also helped me to think about asking the question of when I can work out again after the baby is born. Good things to ask the doctor!

So needless to say I'm glad I have had a little extra time to baby myself. I hope that being able to take care of myself physically and mentally will help me to be a better mother. I also hope that my better habits will help my child(ren) have better habits too.

Oh Baby

2008-10-27T07:08:00.002-06:00

No baby yet. Eric thinks that if he just names a time and date that the baby (and my body) are going to listen and the baby is going to come. He has officially named Friday for when the baby is coming. He is so silly... God knows that I have too much to do before the 23rd much less before Friday. Silly, silly, Eric.

This weekend the family was here. It was wonderful to have them around and to have them help get a few extra things in order. I finally cleaned out the crib a little more and it is no longer another storage bin. I also had the parents take a few extra things back with them that we don't have room for. One of them being the window air conditioner.

After the family left yesterday I took a quick little nap and then Eric and I went to Target to get a few extra things that we will need if the baby does come soon. Here's the list:
1. Diaper Garbage Can thing
2. Wet Wipes
3. Breast Pump (it's great how when you are standing in the isle trying to figure out what you should buy how many women walk by and try to help. All of them kept suggesting the same one so we were sold on it. At first I think Eric was a little weirded out by the "women talk" but then realized how nice it was to have advice from women who know more and had experience this whole thing. And those breast pumps are not cheap.. and it's not like you can try them out to see if you like them and decide you want to try something different. You are kind of stuck with it when you open the box. So that was our breast pump buying Target experience.
4. Extra Boppy slip cover things (not for in case but when the baby spits up all over everything)

I think that's all we bought for the baby. That's enought for him for a while. He is too expensive and he's not even born yet! And spoiled by the Grandmas.

Community

2008-10-26T19:24:00.003-06:00

Tonight I was just thinking about community. What it means to be a part of a community and how important that is. I think that's what I miss about internship the most, being part of a community. A church community, a town community. Usually it takes awhile to build those relationships, figure out the system, where you fit in. Walking in as the "pastor" you get a different in, both within the church and in the town. It always takes time to build those bonds and earn people's trust, but becoming part of the community happens so much faster . I miss that.

I have a community here at Luther. And it was good to get back and see so many friends and colleagues but with not much time left it's different and not many people want to get attached. I know I am one of them. I have my people and I'm okay with that. It's also hard to really be part of the community too. There is so much going on and too much homework. It's more a temporary community and not the same. There are no football games to go sit and watch. No small town things going on. Maybe it's just that the Cities are too big for me. I miss the small community fun.

I'm not really sure what made me think of this. Just a thought for the moment and another realization about what makes my life a little more grounded and full. It's always good to realize a little bit more what I want and need in my life.

The other thing that I am sure of right now is that I need sleep. Only to be back here at the infodesk tomorrow morning at 7:30am.

Weekend

2008-10-23T18:01:00.002-06:00

Today has been a good day. I slept in till 8:30. Did the dishes while making blueberry pancakes.. Yum! I didn't have to be to work till 12:30 so I was able to just relax and get ready slowly. Oh did I mention that I didn't have class today either? Well that we pretty great also. It's been a good day to get caught-up on life, rest, and homework. I have a little bit more to do for class tomorrow but that shouldn't be too painful. I just have to write about my feelings for a few pages.

The family is coming tomorrow. By family I mean my parents, sister-in-law and niece. I am super excited to have them around and to be here for the babyshower on Saturday. It will be good to see them before the baby gets here, especially since we can't go home fore Thanksgiving. Yeah you noticed that my brother wasn't in that list. That's because he is going hunting. I know where his priorities are now. :) He really doesn't like the Cities so that is fine with me, we will see him at Christmas. Eric's mom and sister are also coming Saturday for the shower. I know that it means a ton to Eric that they will be here and it will be so good to see them too! It's really awesome that they are driving up for the day.

Doctors Appointment

2008-10-22T14:47:00.003-06:00

So I just got back from the docs. Everything looked good. My blood pressure was up a little so the doctor checked it again when I was in with her. Still up a little bit but she said that we would check it again next week and hopefully it has stayed the same or gone down a little. It was 136/70somthing when the nurse took it and 132/70something when the doctor took it. Dr. B said something about limiting my activity if it keeps going up. LIMIT MY ACTIVITY! I guess she doesn't know who she is dealing with! I don't know what I would cut out of my life right now besides these 2 classes that I'm finishing up this week. That should help limit my activity of writing papers but I'm not sure if that's what she is talking about.

Morning Rant

2008-10-22T07:02:00.002-06:00

Defiantly getting to be that time of the year. It keeps getting darker and darker in the mornings when I get up. :( I like light I have decided and mainly don't like this time of the year because of the lack of sunlight. I have also learned about myself this week that it's not the getting up that I mind so much as the getting ready. If only I could just roll out of bed and show up to work. Probably wouldn't go over so well.

Today's To do List:
-See yesterdays to do list

I do have the project done but I have 2 1/2 papers to write for ethics. SO CLOSE! I might write a lament later today as I am working on them.

I have a doctors appointment today. Once I wake up I will be excited to go. It's getting closer and closer. 4 1/2 weeks left and he is defiantly gaining weight. I am so ready for him to be here and at the same time getting a little nervous that in a few weeks I will have a baby. I don't think it's totally real yet. I am also a little nervous about school stuff and that I will allow myself the time off to be a mom. I want to enjoy that time with him and not be stressed.

Also went through my approval interview with the two faculty I was assigned. It wasn't painful at all and they approved me. Good to have that done and I can check it off my to do list.

Procrastination

2008-10-21T06:45:00.002-06:00

At the desk this morning again from 7:30am-1pm. Kind of a long shift but the idea is that I can get a lot of homework done and actually be forced to do it out of sheer boredom. We will see if that works. Just trying to get my surfing and brain turned on for the morning. Still feeling like I want to lay my head down on the desk and take a quick nap. Too bad that's not gonna happen.

I have my faculty approval interview today after class at 4pm. I was suppose to have a massage at 4:30 but because things haven't gotten going on this interview I was forced to cancel the massage and hopefully reschedule today for sometime this week. I REALLY need that massage.

It's also reading days here at good ole Luther Sem. In years past this would have meant a couple of days off. This year that translates into a lot to do both for school and at home. It's amazing how two of us generate so much more stuff to get done. We did laundry yesterday morning/early afternoon and yesterday evening I folded it. I finished up my presentation for this afternoon (still have a class this afternoon) and then headed to bed. I think I might be coming down with something so I want to nip that in the butt and get a little extra sleep.

Because I need to get a lot done this mornign here is my to do list:
1. Polish up my presentation for this afternoon
2. Work on my Ethics #3 paper
3. Work on Ethics #4 paper
4. And if I'm really good, work on Ethics #5 paper

Oh yeah, quick baby update. Tomorrow I switch to every week visits to the doctor. It's getting closer!

Busy Weekend and Week

2008-10-20T20:14:00.004-06:00

Quick little post before I finish uploading pictures from this weekend on facebook and then off to bed.

This past weekend we got out of town and headed towards the land of cheese, also known as Wis. We went to some friends wedding from college. It was so great to see them get married and I am so glad I was able to be there. I even stayed up till 12:30am Saturday night! I'm a risk taker, let me tell you!

Yesterday (Sunday) the drive back was good but once we hit town we were totally whipped. We really NEEDED groceries so we went to the store before we even came home because we knew we would never make it back out if we came home first. It took everything we had to shop and then carry the stuff up. We needed to do laundry also but that wasn't happening last night. Makes me REALLY miss living in Dells and having the laundry stuff in our own place. I keep reminding myself only a few more months of having to go down to the basement.

Last night I had a really hard time sleeping because my back hurt really bad. I think this happens when the baby is working on growing and gaining weight. Worked at 7:30am this morning so that didn't help at all either. Tomorrow morning I work at 7:30am again. I just keep telling myself that I will appreciate the paycheck when it comes.

This week I have so much homework to get done but don't have classes except for tomorrow afternoon. I will feel much better once this week is done and my family is here to visit. It's always good to have an event or something to look forward to!

Ketchup

2008-10-17T18:33:00.003-06:00

Why is it that when I am sitting in class I could find so much to surf online. I could not pay attention for years and still be fine. On nights like tonight sitting at the desk while it is so quiet in here, I feel like there is nothing to do. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I HAVE nothing to do.. it's just that there is nothing I WANT to do. The key word here is want, not need.

Tomorrow we are taking off at 7am or earlier to head to a friends wedding. I am SO SUPER EXCITED. I NEED to get out of town for a little, bit away from the people and just drive. It's been so long, or at least it feels like it; 3 or 4 months now. And before that I felt so tied down this summer at work. But the doctor said everything was okay and cleared me to go to WI. Not only am I excited to head out of town but I am so excited to see my friends get married. It feel like it has been forever since they got engaged and I am so happy for them. I just hope to stay up past 9pm. That's my goal for now :) Sad but true! The other goal is not to go into labor in WI. I told Eric we are taking the car seat just in case something happens. I think that if we had to go out and buy a new car seat that would push me over the edge. I like to flirt with the edge but not go over. I don't make for good company then.

So the last few days I have been fighting with BabysRUs. We had been given a gift card in the mail from a friend for there and decided not to buy anything until we know more of what we need. Well, I sent Eric there the other day to buy the maternity belt thing and they said that there was no money on the card. I just thought the money probably didn't get scanned on their right. Boy was I wrong. I guess I am just naive. Upon calling the company and hanging out on the phone with them for about a totally of 2 hours the last couple of days, I guess something went shopping online with our card number on October 6th. It sure wasn't us. So after all of the hassle and me being angry with the way the company has dealt with it, I got a call today saying they are sending us a new card for the same amount of money that was originally on the other card. So life is better and I don't have to worry about that anymore. While I am almost 35 weeks pregnant and in the middle of midterms that was the last thing I wanted to deal with. I was less than happy with the situation. All I can say is don't mess with the pregnant lady in the middle of a semester! But alas it should be cleared up.

My dad has been so cute about this whole pregnancy thing. He has been asking all sorts of questions and wondering about how big the baby is, how I'm doing, who is going to take me to the hospital if Eric isn't around. Just really good inuitive questions meaning he obviously has spent time thinking about all these things. The other night on the phone he asked me if I wanted my mom to stay with us for a while after the baby is born. I honestly don't know. I guess it depends how the delivery goes and what kind of temperment the baby has. That and I haven't done this before, I don't know what I need. But it was just so cute that he was all worried and thinking about me. My mom HATES driving in traffic and couldn't drive in the Cities so my dad would probably leave her here when they came to see the baby after delivery but would then need to drive back to pick her up. And I know he would do that and be fine with it. What a great dad! So we will see what happens and what I need.

Well that's for all until Monday when I am back at this desk procrastinating the things I need to get done.

Tums and Maternity Belts: two of my favorite things

2008-10-13T12:51:00.003-06:00

I just need to share quick before I work on finishing my Holy Spirit paper.

I have been having such horrific back pain. Well, it was just annoying and hard to stand up for the last few days. Yesterday afternoon/last night it was horrible. I thought that maybe I was going into labor because I looked it up and sometimes you can just have back labor. Who knew?!?! The pain was kind of coming and going about every 15minutes too. I thought I would just wade it out and see if I could sleep that night, if not then I would have to call the doctor. I made it to sleep and woke up a few times through out the night but managed to fall back asleep. I decided that if I wasn't able to fall back asleep then I probably needed to do something about it :)

I also sent Eric out to Target to try to find a maternity belt. What's a maternity belt you might ask? Well click on the link and you will see. Of course no such luck that Target would carry them. They just have them for you to order online. Who thinks.. I want to wear that! I think I will just get one and have it on hand. No one. You only get it and wear it if you have to, in an emergency. And in such emergency you don't have time to order it online and wait for it to get here.

Once I figured out that BabiesRUs has them they were closed so I couldn't call to see if they actually carry them or just have them online.

So this morning my back was feeling a little better and I could stand-up so I can up to work at the infodesk. When the clock struck 9:30am I called over the BabiesRUs and Yippie they had them.. and even carried them in the store. Amazing.

So I called up the hubby and sent him on a maternity belt run. What a husband! So I put it on just about a half hour ago and it is the best thing since tums! I just feel so much better. Life is good again!

The End

Productivity

2008-10-12T08:44:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I was actually semi productive. In between clicking the refresh button on facebook I actually got a lot done.

While I was at work Eric decided that we needed to go out on a date last night. It's been so long since we have just gone out, just the two of us. We are both really bad at inviting others or making plans with everyone else. I asked for some Eric time last night earlier in the week and I got date night. It was amazing! We went out to the Old Spaghetti Works downtown. It was just a cool little environment and REALLY good food. It was really good to catch-up about the week and I hadn't realized how much I forgot to fill him in on. Ooops! And then we got home, watched some tv we had taped and I went to bed so I could be back at the desk at 8:30am. Perfect night and I even got 8 hours of sleep in. What more could a pregnant girl ask for?!?!?! Not much that is for sure.

This morning got to work at the infodesk. Wrote my mission sermon for my Monday's senior preaching class. Was done with it by 9:30. Yay for the Holy Spirit!

I drempt about the baby last night again. I can't remember what but that it was something about holding him and how much I wanted to hold him. Granted I'm holding him in my huge abdomen area but it's not the same. I think he and I both want him to be out. He's not so much all about the kicks anymore as he is about pushing his body in a way that he gets a little bit more room to move. I was reading a book last night and he is now over a foot head to butt.. that doesn't even count his legs. No wonder I feel like a house. And he should weigh about 5lbs now. I had Eric take some pictures last night of how big I am. ( I will post them later as I get them uploaded off the camera) We then looked back on pictures from a month ago. HOLY CRAP! I have grown so much. It's hard to tell when you are with yourself all the time. No wonder I am so tired all the time and my back hurts. I still have a month left. How does that work?!?! There is no way I can get bigger, and if so how?

So my goal for the rest of the morning is to get this Holy Spirit paper finished. Ready, Set, GO!

Bondage of the Will

2008-10-11T08:10:00.003-06:00

About a month ago I thought it would be a good idea to schedule myself till 9:30 last night and then 8:30-3 today and tomorrow. Who wasn't thinking, raise your hand. *you can't see it but I'm raising mine* I keep telling myself I can get a lot of homework done AND get a nicer paycheck. Maybe I should write that on a large piece of paper and hang it up on the desk. Maybe then I will really convince myself that it was still a good idea.

So I sit at the desk. Here is how the day will unfold:

8:30-9:30: Surf the internet, check facebook every 3 minutes to see if anyone has updated anything, blog, look at others blogs, sing to the radio, check facebook again, feed the baby some caffeine, check facebook again, check my email.

9:30-10: Take out my books and papers to write my Holy Spirit paper. 2,500 words, not too bad. I just need to start and it won't be so bad.

10-11: Start writing my Holy Spirit paper, check facebook again to see if anyone has updated anything.... come on people update something and make it good!

11-12: Tell myself that I have pissed away the morning and just really need to get this paper written. Try to convince myself that I will feel a lot better when it's done and I will really be able to relax.

12-12:30: eat lunch, surf facebook some more, check to see if anyone has updated any blogs, sing to the radio a little bit, check facebook some more, try to be a creeper on facebook but not very successfully.

12:30-12:45: try to convince myself to continue writing my paper. It's hared to get yourself motivated to continue a paper once you have stopped for a while.

You get the gist. This will be my day. I would love to say that I will/can break the bad habbits that I have developed but I'm not sure it will happen because I have a bound will. I know that's not what Luther meant by bondage of the will, but I think if facebook and the internet exsisted when Luther was alive he would better understand what a bound will really is.

Things I Have Noticed Today

2008-10-09T14:15:00.002-06:00

-- That I have only posted once this month and it's almost the middle of the month

-- I didn't realize that when people pass me in small spaces that I naturally suck in my stomach to allow them to get by. This doesn't work so well when you are as big as a house. And that people look at you like you are just standing in the middle of the room. Nope! I'm just really that big and I can't do anything about it. You will just have to squeeze through or go around.

-- I need to allow myself to rest. That sometimes I need to take that time even if others aren't super okay with me doing that. Sometimes I just need to do that for myself. I am not superwoman and I don't have to do it all and be all to everyone. And most people are okay with that. And I feel better now that I took the morning off and let my body rest.

Thoughts for Now

2008-10-06T06:49:00.003-06:00

What to write about.... what even comes to mind at 7:50am on a Monday morning besides wishing I was still in bed. Or my lack of motivation to do anything at the moment. I don't even "feel" like drinking coffee right now. *gasp*

Got to work this morning and found the garbage can missing from behind the desk. Guess someone decided they needed it more then we do. Awesome... (note the sarcasm) It's just one of those items that you assume will be there and take for granted while you have it. It is also one of those things that bugs you and is hard to live without when it is gone. I guess this will teach me to be more appreciative of the garbage can. When it is returned I promise I won't take it for granted anymore and will pay more attention to it.

Then, the moment that I think I have it bad I hear someone's story or problems.... and I sigh because really, I have it pretty good. I don't have a 30 page paper due on Tuesday that I haven't even started. Gross!

My garbage can just got returned. One of the maintenance guys found it. life is good. I even feel that I have some energy coming back to me. It's the little things in life! I feel a little more complete again.... *sigh*

Dreaming of a White Christmas

2008-09-30T17:43:00.003-06:00

I know, or at least can take a guess, that you don't want to hear this BUT I'm kind of looking forward to Christmas time. I know weird. Not usually my thing and not usually what I would be saying (the whole cold snowy thing depresses me) but for some reason this year I am excited to see the Christmas trees in the store.

I am also enjoying the cooler weather. I finally like to get up in the morning and feel the cold on my feet and the chill in the air. Probably because I'm carrying a little heater, but I thought for sure this little heater would just make me more comfortable and not hot all the time. Not true. Not true all the time. Eric use to be the hog of the sheet and I could have the comforter. Now, even with sleeping with the window open, I am the one who needs the sheet and Eric needs the comforter. It's almost too cold for him. My have things changed!

So I wait in anticipation for Christmas. The time when we can travel again and go see family. I miss family. I miss being home and around family, knowing that I don't have to accomplish anything or have any deadlines. I place that I can just be.

Reevaluate

2008-09-29T21:40:00.002-06:00

Have you ever had one of those days that nothing big happened but everything seems wrong and everyone seems against you, yet not.

I'm having one of those days. And I'm having a hard to explaining to myself, much less to others. All the little things seem to be one big thing that is weighing me down tonight.

Today was one of those days that felt like I was just missing the mark. Like everyone was playing a different game then me and I haven't learned the rules of the new game yet. I'm playing, but yet not getting it. I was the odd man out, the one who couldn't get the hang of the game and everyone around me saw it and new it.

I think this state of there but not really stinks the most. It's because you can't quiet put your finger on why you feel the way you do... you just know that you do. You can't point to one or many things that are bothering you or bringing down your day .. you just feel that way.

Senior preaching on these types of days doesn't help. Being pregnant and people having their opinions don't help. I honestly didn't spend much time on my sermon. I didn't have time in all honesty. Plus I am so relational when I preach I can't just make stuff up and preach to a paragraphed situation that does not exist. So I just did something to get it done. One down and two to go.

So tonight my aim is to get a good nights sleep. To do what I am capable of doing and letting the rest go. My aim is to shut out the world for a few hours and hope that I am in the game tomorrow, or at least have a better sense of the rules. My aim is to be able to let things go and to be okay with who I am and where I am. That the choices I have made are good for me and my family. That I don't have to justify those decisions to anyone or make excuses. My aim is to be okay with letting others know that I am happy that I am having a baby. Just because having a baby would not be their choice and it is not something they would want right now... it is something that I want and am so excited for. My aim is to be true to what I want and not to allow others to bring me down and not for me to dumb down my feelings.

So tonight I reevaluate life... and maybe become a little more selfish. A little more cynical. A little more rough around the edges. A little more protective of what I want and who I am. Or maybe that is my hope.

One other thought for the day

2008-09-27T15:13:00.002-06:00

Another quick thought for the day.

Jeff stopped by the desk just now. Oh how I miss him. For those of you who don't know he has been coming through here almost everyday for years and years and years. He is mentally handicap but I'm not sure exactly what he has. BUT he is great! He remembers EVERYTHING! There was just a gentleman who walked through the OCC and Jeff recognized him. He graduated in '81. Not only did he recognize him but after the guy told him his first name he knew his last name and the year he started at the Sem. I wish I had a mind like that! Jeff also has a foot fetish so he pretended to walk to the bathroom just to see what shoes I am wearing. Such a classic Jeff move. He isn't around here much anymore because his sister moved further away. He stops by a couple times a week now.

The end...

Patience

2008-09-27T12:32:00.002-06:00

Patience.

How does on have patience?

Where does it come from? Can I go buy some? Is it learned? Can you ever have enough patience?

These are all the questions going through my head right after the creepy Saturday guy just left the campus center. (Moe, you know who I'm talking about!) He's not all there, loves to talk religion, but not normal religion. He has picked up random evangelical, everyone is going to hell, things throughout his life. His latest thing is to say that his friend told him nothing good comes from the Seminary... I just want to yell "THAN GO AWAY!" He wants to tell me that everyone is atheist because no one wants to talk religion with him. That's because he is so creepy and gets all fired up by anything you say to him. I finally had to ask him to lower his voice. And all I was saying back to him was "uh huh." I am almost a pastor and don't want to talk religion with him.... does that make me atheist? As he was standing here talking I know I don't want to worship the God that he is selling.

I think the worst is that I am confined to being behind the desk. I feel like a trapped rat having to listen to the crazy guy. I hate that feeling. And I don't think it helps that he is standing up over me and I am sitting down. It's amazing how body language and positioning really plays a factor into how we feel and communication. I also know that if I would get super annoyed that I would just have to walk away and just leave the desk and let the phone ringing. Somewhere I was taught not to resort to violence, should probably stick to that at the Seminary.

The other thought going through my head was... God loves him. God made him. He might be off in left field but God still cares for him. Normally this helps me to put things in a new light and be less annoyed, to have more patience. Nope, not working so much.

So I guess where I am going is... I need to learn not to schedule myself for Saturdays.

Nostalgic

2008-09-26T15:28:00.006-06:00

I was just looking for a wedding sermon on my USB drive and I came across some photos that we took on our honeymoon and a few days after. I found myself wanting to go back to those moments. I want to go back to them more now then when I was actually living them.

Maybe it's the remembrance of no cares. Maybe it is the remembrance of the feeling of simplicity and a new beginning. Not that I haven't had great times in the last year, but I just want to go back there for a few minutes. Or maybe I want to go back and watch us from afar.

As I look back on some of those times I wonder if I will go back a year from now and want this time back. We are in such a life changing moment. We are young, struggling through life, making our way, making our family, and figuring out what that all means. In a month and a half we will welcome or first child into the world and begin another life giving moment in our lives. The beginning of another new start, a new beginning.

So I guess the question that is rolling through my head is... how do we really enjoy the moment? How do we fully live and experience the moment instead of always on our way to the next thing?

So with that I will share a few of the pictures of a year ago that have made me feel so nostalgic.
Our little buggy ride around Duluth when the fog was so thick we could barely see anything.

Boat ride on Lake Superior

At our friend Mary's parent's cabin near Brainard, MN. We stopped there to play on the water and to spend some time with Mary before we headed to another wedding.

Snot Funny

2008-09-26T07:42:00.003-06:00

Really quick before I run off to class and work and all that is outside my door, I want you to ponder something with me....

"Where does all that snot come from when you are sick?"

Thanks...

Sick

2008-09-23T09:48:00.003-06:00

I'm taking a sick day today. Well... because I'm sick.

I've been fighting this cold for a few days now and I thought I had slept it off on Saturday. No such luck. I didn't sleep very well last night. The only thing I can really take is Sudifed or Benedryl. Neither of which helps me to really sleep. SO... I have been up since 4am. YUCK and can't really sleep because of the coughing.

My mom suggested hot water with honey and lemon in it. I'm thinking that would help if I had a sour throat... but I don't, just the draining that makes me cough a lot.

So needless to say I am super hot. Or something. And the fight to sleep will continue.

Mental Preparation

2008-09-22T06:52:00.002-06:00

Just needed to blog quick this morning before I start the day.

Having mixed feelings today. I am super excited that Eric starts his job today. It will be really good for him and will help pay the bills. He doesn't have to work till 2:30 so he doesn't get off till 10:30. Part of me is excited because I feel that I will have more motivation to do homework tonight. The other part of me is sad because I probably won't see him till tomorrow. Our schedules will be opposite one another which will come in handy when we have the baby but also tough for us to be together. Maybe it will just help us be more intentional about spending time together. AND really, it's only a few months. We can handle just about anything for a few months!

Getting myself mentally prepared for the week ahead. Or at least trying to. Still trying to get over this cold, which doesn't help. Also feeling VERY large today! I can't imagine having multiples. Defiantly ready to be done with the whole pregnancy thing. Or maybe I'm just done with the warm weather thing! Either way I'm tired of being huge! Kind of depressing that I have 9 more weeks left.

Life Struggles

2008-09-21T10:19:00.003-06:00

Motivation...

I need some....

Yesterday I woke up sick so I decided just to sleep most of the day, after an afternoon walk. Well it worked for the most part and I feel a ton better. My sour throat is gone and all that is left is some sinus stuff. But livable none the less!

Today I have decided is school work day. Deciding and doing are two totally different things. I dropped the boys off at the Vikings game. They were able to get really cheap tickets late last night and I found out this morning that their plan for getting down there was me. I don't care because it saves money with parking and stuff and traffic wasn't too bad. That and we really aren't that far away from the dome.

So now I try to find motivation.... maybe it's hiding out on the couch.. under a blanket. Maybe it's in my dreams and I should go looking there. Or maybe I should stop making excuses and just do it.

Things Seem To Come To Me In Fives

2008-09-15T06:50:00.003-06:00

1. Found some more good underwear... still need some more but bought only 3 pairs to see if I like these. So far so good!

2. The eating and conversation at Eric's cousin's house was excellent and glad I went. Isn't that always the way it works. The end of the day and you don't really feel like something but once you do it, you end up really appreciating that you did and enjoying yourself. It was fun to hear family stories and listen to them reminisce.

3. Prayer... Something I realized this last week is that I missed others praying. Monday I was sitting in class and the proff prayed before we started class. I missed that. Being in a year of praying for everyone else, taking care of everyone else, I missed someone taking care of my faith and nurturing that in me. The crazy thing is that I didn't even know it was missing or that I missed it so much. Also on Friday I sat in chapel and realized how much I miss being a congregation member and not having to lead. Don't get me wrong... I love leading too, but it's nice to be on the other end sometimes too again. I have also noticed that it's hard to want to go to church on Sunday mornings. Part of church for me the last year has been the relationship part with other people. To find a new church(s) seems sad and like the final step that internship is over. I found out how important relationships are to me while worshiping.

4. Why do we realize things after the fact? A lot of times we can't fully enjoy things until they are over... why is that?

5. I found myself envious of men this weekend. I am envious of their relationships with on another. I'm envious that they have something like "football" to hang out around and have meanless conversation. I want that! Women tend to lean towards more heavy conversation. Deeper conversation if you will. Not that I don't want that either, because I really enjoy that also. But I sometimes I just want meaningless conversation. Sunday afternoon I hung out with the boys at BWW and watched football. It was wonderful... things were said, comments were made, but nothing too deep, nothing really personal. And if there is anything personal it last for about 2 minutes, everyone gets the jist and then they move on. Not that I want that all the time, but sometimes it's kind of nice!

Underwear and Good Days

2008-09-11T16:49:00.002-06:00

Not a lot new to post because all I did was sit in class all day.

Tonight we are headed to Eric's cousin's house for supper. Part of me wants to go and the other part is so overwhelmed by life (getting stuff done around the house) and homework. I just keep telling myself that it's okay to not stay all night and just come home at a decent time. We also just threw some laundry in and will throw it in the dryer before we head over there. That's how bad we needed to do laundry. Mainly because I'm running out of underwear that fits. I just need to break down and go buy some more at Vicky's. They have the best underwear! And what I have decided from this situation is that a good pair of underwear can really make your day better. A bad pair can make you uncomfortable all day and just make you crabby. So my new theory on crabby people is that they just need to go find a good pair of underwear. With that good pair of underwear you can take on the world.

Good pair of underwear = good day!

So tomorrow I will have good underwear again and a good day!

5 thoughts for the day before 8:30am

2008-09-10T06:55:00.004-06:00

Few things to cover already this morning.

1. Lady in the campus center snoring.
This is the second week in a row that she has been here before 7:30am, pretending to read, and snoring in one of the chairs. The first week I gave her a break because I knew that she was waiting to do first week stuff that started at 8:30am. Why she was here before 7:30am.. no one really knows. I thought maybe she was just really excited. (could happen) This morning I woke her up when I came through the doors into the OCC and 3 or 4 people proceeded to do the same as they walked through the doors. This morning however there is nothing going on in the OCC that she would need to be here so early. I'm thinking skip the reading in the morning and sleep in that extra 1/2 hour. I hope she has a class at 8am and that's why she is up this early.

2. Creatures of habbit
This morning when I got here, took me about 3 minutes, I found myself with the urge to pee again. The urge to pee and actually having to pee are two different things. But none the less feeling like I might wet myeslf I decided I should probably visit the little girls room. Yup, only a dribble dribble, story of my life. But while I was going to the bathroom I had a revelation. (Maybe I should sit in the bathroom more often) My revelation was that I always go to the same stall. The second one from the door. This habbit has not changed in the year I was gone. I didn't even have to think about this, I just automatically go to that stall. What else do I do that I don't even realize? Something to ponder....

3. I find myself actually enjoying classes
Not that I hated them before but I view them in light of being out in the parish. I find that it is nice to have more ideas for the parish and ways to teach others. I am looking forward to my class on the Gospel of John and the epistles because it's so practical. All the texts that we are studing in depth are lectionary texts and will help me to write better sermons, always a plus. Our big project is a bible study for a congregation. I'm all about this also becasue I can actually use it at some point in the parish. Class just looks different from this side. I guess it has to do with growth. Always fun to be able to look back and see that I have actually grown and changed in the last year... besides getting wider :)

4. Getting wider
Speaking of growth.... I put on my black dress pants which I haven't had on since August 14th. Less than a month really. And they fit a LOT differently. I have grown a lot! I'm kind of scared to see how much larger I am going to get in the next couple of months. We are now at 29 weeks and 4 days.

5. Sweet Nectar
The lady sleeping on the OCC this morning made me really tired as soon as I got here. A little coffee, (half caff, half decaff), has REALLY helped. Now I can actually read for class now and not fall a sleep. Yay for caffeine!

Weekend Catch-up

2008-09-07T13:31:00.003-06:00

Thought I would post quick before I started on the homework.

First thought of the day...
- I always feel like I need to seat belt myself in while sitting in the chair at the infodesk. Why?

Second thought...
This weekend was really good and relaxing. By weekend I mean Friday-Saturday. Friday we went to our first doctors appointment with Dr. Baker. I was kind of nervous, not really sure what to expect. Ended up being really good. I feel really relaxed about things and even more excited. She started to talk about some of the things that we will talk more about in the next few visits. More stuff on how I will know that I am going into labor, counting how many times the baby kicks in a hour. Things of those nature. It makes me excited and even more ready to have this baby. Today is the beginning of 29 weeks. 29 weeks and 1 day to be exact. Crazy how fast it's gone really. I have to get on the ball and sign us up for birthing classes. Oh and the doctors office gave us a free diaper bag. We already have one but it's nice to know that if something would happen we have a spare. Maybe I can just keep it in the car or something for a just in case.

Friday night we watched this crazy mini series on ABC Family called Samurai Girl. It's actually pretty good and of course now we are addicted. I think tonight might be the last part of the series. Along with watching Samurai Girl we also played Cribbage. Thanks Moe! Eric bought me a board for part of my birthday present and so we played a couple games. I won the first and he won the second. I'm getting the hang of it more and more. Learning how to count everything right and all the rules.

Saturday some friends of ours were in town. Really good to see them and catch-up. We met up at Ikea and then headed down to the Renaissance Festival. It was a lot of fun and we catch some good shows. I had never been there and always wanted to check it out. I figured since we won't always live this close we should probably go. After sitting through the traffic to get out we grabbed some supper at 9pm at Perkins. It was nice to just sit there and be the two of us later at night. Once we got home we figured out that we missed part 3 of the Samurai Girl mini series but got caught up with part 4.

And that leaves us at today. Eric is enjoying himself watching football all day and I am working. It's the first day of the season so he is pretty pumped. I'll get my husband back sometime after the superbowl.

Too Much Time

2008-09-04T16:09:00.002-06:00

It's taken me a while to post today but here it is!

After that build up, not much new. I was scheduled to work at the desk from 7:30am-2pm but someone needed someone to cover part of their shift so I came back from 3:30pm-6pm. Good money is what I keep thinking, and I get paid to get stuff done! Go Me! Not hard work and I am making a little more money. It's already after 5 and I feel like I just got back here. If it was a slow Saturday it would be different working but there is a lot going on and I don't have a ton to do.

Today when I got back here at 3:30 there was a can of pop (unopened) and 5 Oreo cookies sitting on the desk. I assumed that they were someone's and Jeff was here ranting so I forgot to ask the person leaving where the cookies and pop came from. So, almost 2 hours later here they sit.

So the question is.. do you eat food that you have no idea where it came from? They aren't in any sort of wrapper. Who knows who has touched them. I think I'll go with the no eating of the cookies.

Eating of cookies leads me to another thing I was going to blog about. (I just realized that I have way too much time on my hands to blog this much.) But sitting here at the desk I have seen a lot of people that are REALLY over weight. To the point that they can't go up and down stairs. It's mostly because their knees are so bad from caring all that weight all the time. Being someone who has struggled with her weight her whole life I get that it's hard. But at the same time it makes me realize that I never want to be that big or allow myself to eat that much. The thought of allowing myself to do that scares me. I don't want to be a slave to food. I want to be able to move, go when and where I want to. To run up and down stairs and not be winded. I don't want to be tied down to a body like that. That is always motivation to me to walk a few more steps, eat a few bites less, and to love myself enough to care about my body.

REALLY?

2008-09-03T11:03:00.002-06:00

So this afternoon I have some people, people being staff and students, who are playing the drums, sax, and just a bunch of random instruments right across the room from me in the main commons area. This is all wonderful and all for people who are walking through and the new students. It just really SUCKS for me trying to answer the phone!!!!

It kind of makes me mad. Of all the places to set this up. I can't hear anything. No one standing in front of me, no one on the phone. I can tell people are frustrated when they call on the phone and I keep asking them what. I can tell they are wondering where and the world I am answer the phone at.

They either need to not have the main switchboard in the middle of everything or not have the loudest instruments in a really small place. I think I need more coffee or maybe some Prozac.

Being A Good Lutheran

2008-09-03T07:05:00.002-06:00

How can I possibly be a Lutheran.. hang out at a Lutheran institution and not drink coffee?!?!?! Not only am I tempted on a daily basis, but now I'm tempted on a minute by minute bases. It's like being a food addict and sitting at a buffet all day. Vowing to ones self not to eat anything. Doesn't happen! Can't happen.

Justification for my actions:
Eric and I are Lutheran ... therefore the baby will grow-up in the Lutheran tradition. Being a "good" Lutheran means that you drink a lot of coffee. Support the Fair Trade Coffee and stuff (also thinking globally). Because I am being a "good" mom, I need to slowly introduce my child to the finer things in the Lutheran tradition. I wouldn't want my child to grow-up feeling left out ever time there is coffee served... what kind of mother would I be?!?!

So:
Today I gave into the coffee. It's a slippery slope really. I figure I'm in the 3rd trimester and I can slowly introduce caffeine to the child. That way it's not such a shocker someday. I got half regular and half decaf. People say just drink decaf but I really love the kick it gives me. That doesn't make me a horrible person because I believe that I am not the only American that enjoys this feeling.

Therefore:
I am a happier person now. I can handle the million questions about the mailroom. I can handle the same little music ditty playing on a video over and over and over for 5 hours again today. I can handle questions about where the bathrooms are (which are located directly behind me and the sign is big and to my right). I can handle anything with a little bit of coffee!

Life IS good!

Who Does That?!?!

2008-09-02T12:16:00.002-06:00

Who puts their empty pop can on the infodesk and walks away? The recycling bin thing is like 10 feet away. REALLY?!?!

1st Day of 1st Week / Should Have Been A Super Hero

2008-09-02T07:03:00.004-06:00

So the seminary does this thing called "1st Week" It's for all the new students to come and get orientated to the seminary and all that is offered here.

I'm trying really hard to remember what it felt like to be the "new person." To now know anything about campus or what was going on. To have expectations and nervousness about what is ahead. It's interesting to see all of their faces and to watch people making new connections. I'm trying to remember what that was like in this space, in this place. Trying to be as welcoming as possible and ease some the craziness of the day. The infodesk is suppose to know everything. Know exactly who to contact in a matter of seconds. And at the same time sit here and look pretty.

Over the weekend I found that I missed coming up to work at 7:30am and having a good hour to just ease into the day. That hour that no one is really up yet and I have time to sit here and think. I don't usually like getting up early but for some reason have really enjoyed it. Maybe it's just my body preparing me to be a Mom. Weird!

Just a quick complaint for the day.... So I just got a call at the desk and of course someone else is not doing their job, aka checking messages. The person calling can't leave a message. The other phone number that I have feeds back into the full voicemail. There isn't anything I can do! BUT because I'm the infodesk I am magically suppose to run the seminary. So I transferred this person to someone else that does a little bit of booking rooms and now hope that I don't get another phone call from this lady. I really should have been born a super hero! Let's be honest...

I have now been asked about 6 times how people get their mail and how they get a mailbox. Just because we sit infront of the mailboxes and mailroom we now need to know everything about the mail. Soomething tells me that it would be better planning on the mailrooms part if they were actually here in the early mornings of first week to help field some of those questions. I know.. I'm just a guiness and I'm sure the first person to ever this! Once again... should have been born a super hero!

DONE

2008-08-28T17:12:00.002-06:00

One more post for the day.... I'M DONE! Yup, that's right. I'm done with my approval essay. The last one of these kinds of essays. Happy Day! All I have to do is get it to the right people.

Dreaming of Winter

2008-08-28T06:49:00.002-06:00

Oddly enough I am looking forward to cold days. I know.. weird. I never thought I would say that but alias I want cold. I need cold.

This morning it was a balmy 58 degrees. I blame it on the humidity because it's sitting at 100%. Normally I would walk outside and think that it was kind of chilly. Not today. It felt really great until I walked up the hill of death to work today. Isn't it suppose to get easier the more you do it, not tougher.

good vs bad

2008-08-27T07:15:00.002-06:00

Woke up this morning to it thundering and lighting outside. Of course the first song that pops into my head is Garth Brook's "The Thunder Rolls." There.. all I had to say was the song title and you too will have it stuck in your head all day!

Very exciting day yesterday.. tiring but exciting!

Things I love:
1. Getting my hair cut
2. Getting my hair highlighted
3. New thing I love, getting my hair lowlighted as well
4. Thing I really love... paying only $5 for this whole process!
5. My sister-in-law and really good friend getting engaged
6. 10 minute conversations that leave you a better person
7. long conversations that leave you a better person
8. Almost being done with my approval essay for Sem. (would love it more if I were done!)
9. my Eric
10. that Eric has a job interview today... keep him in your prayers
11. that Eric is enjoying himself and has already started to find his nitch
12. Feeling the baby moving around and kicking
13. The anticipation of holding our little one

Things I don't like:
1. My swollen feet and legs

Overall I think I am doing pretty good and life is good.

Good ole' sleep

2008-08-25T06:48:00.002-06:00

Feeling a little better this morning. More rested up. Still miss the coffee in the morning. Will probably hear me complain about no coffee till December some time. I feel like coffee was my only real vise. I liked my vise. I want my vise back! It's not like it's that bad. I don't have any other drug problem, alcohol isn't a problem. Coffee... coffee just makes me happy.. coffee makes me a real person in the morning, and sometimes at night.

I did get a lot of rest this weekend. Saturday night we had plans to go out to eat with SMH before she took in a show. That was good to catch up with her again. We have seen her more in this last month then almost the whole time we were living near Sioux Falls. I am going to miss our dates.

After we ate SMH took off. We had plans with some other friends but I just didn't have enough energy to be a good host. So we took a rain check. Eric went and played some more Wii and I passed out on the couch, probably around 7ish. Woke up to go to bed around 11pm or 12am and woke up again Sunday morning at 9:30am. Took another little nap Sunday afternoon. I think I am in the growing stage again. Getting ready in the morning is harder again and I require more sleep and food. Always learning to listen to my body.

Rise and Shine

2008-08-23T09:36:00.002-06:00

Please tell me that I don't have to do anything tomorrow!

I'm in need of much needed rest.

Don't get me wrong. The last couple days have been great and have been really great to catch up with friends, but it's time for a rest. I am so tired that I can't totally give my all to a conversation. I feel like I space out and my listening skills aren't as great. I hate when I do that. I want to be totally present with people and not just half-way there.

Oh.. one little random thing. I have never had to write my initials in the whole year that I have been married. My whole initials that is. SMG. I find myself really having to think about it. We use initials at the desk so people know who did what. And because there were so many Sara(h)'s here when I worked here last I am use to using the initials HMS. So, long story short.... I am all sorts of messed up!

I'm really struggling today at the desk. Probably why the rant about needing rest. I slept for a good 9 hours last night but I still feel like I could go back to sleep in two seconds. I did have dumb dreams again last night, forgot to put on my wrist brace on one of my hands so I woke up with both hands a sleep again, and I woke up at 5:30am with a leg cramp in my left leg. Other then that it was a great sleep. And the thing is that all 3 of those things usually happen during the night so that wasn't even that bad of a night. I can't really complain too much.

Dreaming With My Eyes Wide Open

2008-08-21T07:57:00.003-06:00

Last night we grilled out with some friends from Sem. Eric was able to meet more people and feel like he is a part of this whole fiasco too. Stayed out probably later then I should have but it was fun to be outside and around good company. Also always fun to catch up and here about peoples lives for the past year and a half.

Today I'm working at the desk again. Trying to get people to get their schedules in so I know what I have to work with for the fall. It is also a bit of a crunch because I need to know if I should hire more people to fill spots. Always with the pulling of teeth though.

Yesterday got some more stuff unpacked around the house. Today's goal is to get some more unpacked and feel like we are actually moved in. We do need to take some more stuff down to storage but the elevator is broke for real this time and so that is going to have to wait. I just hope it gets fixed soon because I feel like the boxes and totes are going to start attacking at any moment. There are just so many of them and so much clutter. I am REALLY starting to hate clutter. Little by little though. I keep telling myself 9-10 months.. only 9-10 months.

Oh yeah.. and I need to write my Approval Essay. Only 17-20 pages long. Yeah kind of sucks! I just need to push through and do it. Normally I would make myself a hot cup of coffee with hot chocolate mix in it. Enjoy a few sips. Sit down in front of a computer screen. And start writing away. There is just something about that infusion of caffeine that really does it for me. It's my drug of choice really. Just thinking about it makes me happy inside. Excited really... but alas I can't do it. The baby wouldn't enjoy it too much. So for now I dream about it....

Here But Not Yet

2008-08-20T08:35:00.002-06:00

Physically I'm back. Our "stuff" is here. We are slowly unpacking our lives again into a new place. Trying to pick-up from where we left off but finding that to be semi hard. Life is just different again. Both of us making changes to how we do things individually and as a couple. Eric is trying to find a job, always a lot of work and frustrating. He has been really working hard at looking and I am really proud of him for that.

Mentally I don't think we are really here yet. Still feels like a long weekend on vacation. Life has not totally gotten back to normal yet, whatever normal is. For some reason I feel less settled now then in all my years of moving. We added it all up and in the last 8 or 9 years I have moved 15 times. This moving thing should be a piece of cake, but for some reason I feel like I am having a hard time finding my feet under me and feeling like we are actually here.

I'm back at work, the infodesk. Doesn't feel like much has changed but at the same time everything has changed. Or maybe it's just that I have changed. I forget how much time has passed. It's been almost a year and a half since I have lived here and sat behind this desk. I'm married now. My last name has changed. Which I'm not use to people not knowing me by married name now. We are expecting a little one the end of November. So much living and so many milestones have happened in the last year.

Maybe it feels like I am taking a step back by being here. I feel ready to be in a congregation. I want to be settled. I find myself missing the familiarity of the routine that Eric and I had.

Internship always seems like it will be simple. Move for a few months, learn, and come back to continue where you left off. But it's not like that. For that year people became our family and helped us grow as people and as a couple. For a year we shared our lives with people. A very formative point in our lives as we were newly married. And for a year we were really close to good friends. Many good friends. We were close to a place that both of us knew well and we didn't have to rely on the other.

So I still feel like I am here but not yet. I feel like this isn't really reality yet. Not really a dream but not really reality.

Ugh!!!

2008-08-18T19:32:00.002-06:00

What a weekend...

I am so tired...

I am so tired from packing, moving, and unpacking. From getting up at 4:30am and driving 4.5 hours.

I am so tried from figuring out all of the mailing changes, insurance stuff, cable set-up, and our little fender bender situation.

Oh did I mention our fender bender situation. This older gentleman backed into the side of our car in the Wendy's parking lot. Oh wait, it gets better. It was on Friday lunch time right before we went to pick-up the moving truck. And it gets better. This little fender bender put us behind in time for picking up the truck about 45min to an hour. AND because the Wendy's parking lot is "private property" the police dude that showed up 30-45min after we called couldn't issue a ticket to the guy. But the nice police man did brake it to the guy that if he could issue a ticket it would be his fault. So.. we were worried that we would have to fight about it with this older gentleman's insurance. Heard from his insurance guy this afternoon... as the cable guy was here and didn't know what he was doing.. and had to make a statement.

Good news, his insurance is taking liability for it!

Badnews, Eric didn't know how to help the cable guy so he left and told us to reschedule. GRRR.... it was just that he didn't know what he was doing. So... 5 hours later from when we were suppose to have cable, that same guy is coming back to actually set it up. I hope he can figure it out this time. This all happened after I checked around and called Comcast back to tell them he just didn't know what he was doing. Sometimes I feel like I have to do other peoples jobs for them.

Slowly but steadily we are getting moved in. Hung up some pictures this evening so that always makes me feel better. I know I am going to sleep well tonight after such a long day!

Movement

2008-08-11T15:07:00.002-06:00

What a great weekend. Tiring but great!

Friday night we babysat our nephew. He is such a good little kid, he will be 2 in October and is so good. We went over to some friends and grilled out. We then just sat around the fire and talked. It was great! Much needed time just to be. It was also fun to see Eric in the parent roll. JJ fell asleep in his arms while we were sitting around the fire. I know it meant so much to him and it was so cute.

Saturday we packed things up around here. Eric ended up not having to work so we had the day to do things together around the house. It was actually a lot of fun. Then Sara came up for Supper. It was great. We ate supper, watched some Olympics, okay so more yelling at the tv, and then Eric's parents came. It was just a great night. Eric and Sara tried to see how much watermelon they could eat. They are both so competitive and just can't help themselves when the other throws down a challenge.

Sunday was my last day at LCDR. I didn't know how hard it would be to say good-bye. It felt good to have that sermon done and I made it through both of them without too many tears. I will really miss the congregation. They have made my year here bery blessed. It is always good to be able to look back on a year and to be thankful for all that God has given you.

Today I went to my last doctors appointment in Sioux Falls. It has been a couple of days of good-byes. That was also hard because I have been going there for about 5 years now.

So many changes. Good and bad. A lot to let go of and so much to look forward to.

Realization

2008-08-05T19:40:00.002-06:00

I need a vacation.

I had a great morning but not so much a great afternoon. I can't go a whole summer again without a vacation. That was not a good idea and I think has just made me less patient. It has made me somewhat bitter because I don't feel like I ever got a summer. I didn't realize that I felt this way until today. Or that not getting time off has taken its toll. An extra day during the week doesn't count.

The stress of not having time away and moving is finally getting to me. I finally hit a wall. I will really miss where I'm at right now but in the back of my mind I realized that I feel that I finally get to enjoy my summer in 1 1/2 weeks. And that feels good. And I don't want to apologize for needing that time. I don't want to apologize for wanting to have a summer and to enjoy a full weekend. I need to do something for myself and my family.

Visiting

2008-08-05T12:16:00.002-06:00

I spent this whole morning visiting people who are for the most part shut-ins. I have had so much fun, for many reasons:

1. I don't have to be in the office
2. They have the best stories and so much has happened in their lives
3. They are so grateful for an hour of you your time
4. I learn a ton
5. I get to give communion to those who haven't had it in a while
6. My morning goes by so fast
7. When I get done I am super tired but at the same time have much more energy

So life is good. It's such a nice way to finish up my time here. To have a year and then to be able to look back on all that you enjoyed that you did, what you would do differently, and how if you had more time what you would do.

Life is good.

Packing and Things

2008-08-02T10:37:00.002-06:00

Oh the process of packing.....

For some reason, I blame it on the baby because I can, I feel like I have been in the process of packing for a month now. And what stinks about packing for that long is that it feels like it goes on forever and ever! There are just some things you can't pack till the very end. There are still 2 weeks until we move, so to take pictures off the wall would just slow the process even more.

The last month and a half has flown by. It has gone so fast because there has been so much going on. All of a sudden all that business has come to an abrupt halt. It feels like the world has stopped turning. It's not so much the motion of not going forward but the abrupt halt that is tough to take.

In two weeks we will be moving into a new place, figuring out where our stuff goes for 9 months, figuring out life together in a place we haven't lived in together before. In 2 weeks we start to set-up baby stuff. To really prepare for this baby to come and for it to become more real then ever. In 2 weeks we wait on God's timing for Eric to find a job. Eric went up to the cities yesterday to get his name in at a place that helps find jobs for people. Now it's a waiting game. In 2 weeks life changes again....

As the World Turns

2008-07-30T11:38:00.003-06:00

Today had been an odd day. I just don't feel right. I can't totally explain how I feel either which makes it even harder. I don't know if it's the heat and humidity or what is going on. I just feel really weak. I think I am just going to go in for a little bit longer this afternoon and then work on some stuff from home for a while. This being pregnant thing seems to bring new things about every day!

Ufda

2008-07-29T18:11:00.002-06:00

No crazy Eric stories lately... hopefully more to come soon.

Just a little update on life....
So much craziness, so little time. This past weekend we were suppose to go to a wedding up by Alexandria, MN. I had scheduled someone to preach for me 3 or 4 months ago and was really looking forward to a Sunday off this summer. Well, of course Wed. morning at 8:30am I got a call that someone in the parish had passed away. Before I could even negotiate a date they had everything planned for Sat. morning. Yup, no vacation to the wedding for me. It probably worked out for the better anyhow but was a little frustrating to begin with. I was able to make us some more money before we move in a few weeks.

Saturday when everything was done with the funeral we went down to Vermillion to visit some friends. They live out on a farm so it was fun just to be. We played the Wii and talked. It was a good time. I got some sleep. We went out for omelets in the morning... what pregnant woman doesn't appreciate a good omelets?!?! It was good to see D and J. We haven't really hung out with them for a couple of summers. It just so hard to keep up with everyone and see everyone. Makes me sad that I am not better at keeping in contact sometimes.

Sunday I didn't have to be at church so Eric and I bummed around Sioux Falls all day. We found my birthday present, a pair of Keen sandals. They are GREAT. Especially on the pregnant lady feet. I am super excited about them and want to just go walking around because they are so wonderful. I had a hard time justifying spending a lot of money on nice shoes but Eric said they could be my birthday present... SOLD! It was nice just to bum around a look at baby stuff.

Speaking of baby stuff. It is amazing to feel the baby kick. It makes everything more real and I just get more and more excited. I just want to me the little one. I want to hold him/her. I want to rock him/her to sleep. I want to hear the sound of the first cry. I want to get to know his/her personality. What kind of person she/he will be. I'm just so excited for the future. But right now it's fun to just feel movement. To get to know the personality that is already forming. The little ninja that is growing inside of me. Either he/she liked the Batman movie last night or really didn't like it at all. I think the loud noise was keeping the peanut awake. Helps build character? :)

Not only is work crazy right now and I have had 2 funeral, 2 weddings, VBS, a fund raiser for a boy with Leukemia, and just a lot of people with medical problems, I am trying to figure out how to say good-bye in a few weeks. ufda!

Blog Worthy?

2008-07-24T09:56:00.004-06:00

SH and I were talking about blog worthy posts the other night. And I think I have one.

The less sleep my husband gets, the crazier his dreams get and talking in his sleep.

Middle of the night I wake up to..... a kick with both legs flying at me from the other side of the bed. I'm a pretty soft sleeper so somehow I must have felt the momentum coming towards me and moved my legs quickly away. With a jerk Eric woke himself up and start apologizing right away thinking that it had to of hurt. Reassuring him I was okay and really didn't get hit hard, we both rolled over and went back to bed. It must not have been long after that when he had another great moment. He was holding my hand between his hands and all of a sudden he hands me my hand and says "You talk to my mom, I don't want to talk to her anymore." On my hand? Talk to her on my hand? Awesome!

It's just so much fun wondering what is going to happen next. Not even joking. It just makes me laugh when something new happens. And I get blog worthy stories!

Weddings

2008-05-24T09:04:00.002-06:00

Through out the pastoral community it has been said again and again that most, if not all pastors, don't like doing weddings. But I do.

Sometimes they can be a pain in the butt, and leading up to them can be a hassle, but I think it's just that I am a hopeless romantic. I love marriage counseling. I love helping people try to remember everything and organizing things for them. I love watching the groom stand up front and waiting for his bride to walk down the isle. I love the nervousness and anticipation. I love seeing what everyone does for the wedding and how they decorate. I love thinking the best of every situation. That they will stay that in love and that love will grow even deeper and stronger.

I will admit it. I'm a hopeless romantic and I love weddings.

Revelations

2008-05-22T10:55:00.002-06:00

This week has been about revelations for me.

Today I realized that I love being a pastor... or at least the pastoral duties. My supervisor has been gone all week and so all of the visitations and "pastoral" duties have fallen on me. And I'm loving it! We have had a few people in the hospital so I have been there visiting, I just got called about another person who isn't a member who just got checked in. I had a bible study in a neighboring town and then worship at the nursing home. Got asked to take some communion to a homebound couple. No hymns were picked out for service and I actually was able to have input on the bulletin. It's just been a great week because all of that has fallen on me without question. One would think that this would have all been happening a lot through out the last 9 months but not really. I feel like I have been doing a more programing then Pastoring the last 9 months. It's good to be a Pastor and do Pastoral Care!

There is a lot of conflict stuff happening at the church right now, but because I'm the "intern" it really doesn't fall on me and I don't have to deal with it.

So I have all the perks right now... and none of the conflict. I know it's a selfish place to be right now but I'm okay with that. And it has allowed me to realize that
1. I don't have to take on the world and fix everything
2. I do like being a Pastor

A day

2008-05-21T15:44:00.002-06:00

What a day!

It's just been a really busy day. And I have to say.... I LOVE busy days! They just go by faster and I feel like I am accomplishing something in life.

I have also realized that I am really spoiled by some of the members of the congregation. Today the chair person for the internship committee was in and talking about rhubarb. The talk of it made me crave some. So what does she do in the afternoon... bake a rhubarb pie for me. How awesome! Spoiled!

Joys

2008-05-15T09:07:00.002-06:00

I'm kind of having one of those days, so to be like my fabulous friend Moe I am writing a list of things that bring joy to my life:

1. My husband
2. My family
3. My friends
4. Good conversations
5. The smell of a Spring day
6. Flowers
7. Lemon Drops
8. Our unborn child
9. Some of the people at my internship site that make being here worth the crappy days
10. Pandora Radio
11. Picking out classes for next year ... I love the organizational side of it
12. Finishing a class and becoming one step closer to being ordained
13. Buffalo Wings
14. Pickles
15. Going to bed with a smile on my face or laughing every night
16. Camp .. specifically Klein Ranch
17. Birds singing in the morning

Those are just a few of things that bring me joy. It's good to remember all the things that I am thankful for on a day that I could get bogged down by things that God does not wish me to spend my time or energy on.

Great Weekend

2008-05-12T15:26:00.004-06:00

I took today (monday) off since I was working pretty much all weekend. I had an awesome weekend. The women's retreat that I lead was wonderful. I only got 4 hours of sleep on Friday night, which was fun while I was up talking but not so much in the morning. The ladies that went were great and it was just the right amount of time. This is why I love my job. Getting to know the people. But I did learn that I'm not a rockstar anymore and can't live off of 4 hours of sleep. Making a mental note for myself.

Then Sat evening when we got home we had a little party thing at a friends apartment. I really struggled to even get there and we only stayed till 9. I still had homework that I had to get done before midnight AND I was EXTREMELY emotional and tired. No sleep makes me emotional and then add the extra hormones and I was on the brink of crazy. Good thing I have a patient husband.

Sunday morning was really hard to get motivated. I just preached the first service. The PM left in between services so the second service was all me. LOVED IT! I finally felt like this is what I'm suppose to do for the rest of my life, or at least some of it. It just felt natural and I felt totally comfortable. What an awesome feeling!

And today with my day off I am cleaning. Also an awesome feeling. I finally feel well enough again to clean and be around strong smells. It's been since Easter since this place has gotten a good cleaning so it really needed it. I have just been taking my time. Do a little then resting. What a great day!

Good humor for the day

2008-05-07T15:17:00.001-06:00

I happened to stumble upon this and thought it was a good read. It's just so true for most places and so true just for the office environment. And I love the way she writes!

Hope you enjoy!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/05/06/o.tinkler/index.html